q

Updating has not happened for awhile, i just didn't have anything to say. It's been a ridiculous up/down coupe of weeks.

I finally got to see Amon Tobin spin live!!! He played my two favorite songs, Proper Hoodidge and Four Ton Mantis. Not to mention that i got to meet him after the show! Girly giggling ensues. Even better, when i came home, i walked right into cuddlefest 2005 on the floor of my room. I participated for a bit.


I put one of my hats on my Totoro, which threw my friend into a laughing frenzy from which she never recovered, we miss her greatly.


And then some shit went down, and my emotions went spinning out of control. I was sitting at my desk the day afterwards, and suddenly i jumped up and frantically started covering my halway walls with newsprint. I must have done three layers of the stuff. Before you knew it, i was throwing every art medium available at the wall. Acrylic, ink, pen, pencil, watercolor, charcoal. I was throwing paint, and covering my hands in it, it got insane. My roommates came home to quite a shock. Well, what would you think if your roommate went berserk and started THROWING paint at the walls of your apartment? The wall is still growing, because i am not yet resolved. My friend said that it didn't look together, and i should try to bring the mural to a place of completeness. But, i'm not together, i'm faceted, fragmented, divided, shattered, and so should the wall.





For a moment, the universe let out a breathe. What was so close, was now so far away. The space between us stretched, as if matter was exhaling and the space between the atoms became greater. I am i fish,Not the kind in bowls or oceans, but the kind in the tank, waiting to be picked to go on the slab.

For a moment I told myself that I was part of reality. We are all just pieces that make up reality. We are the substance, and we can touch each other. Not just people, but animals, trees, and washing machines as well. Everything comprises reality, and we all connect to each other through the earth we stand on. And now I feel aloof, floating above the ground, not connecting with anything or anyone. Touching things seems like its false. I cant feel the texture through my nerves, my fingerprints dont work, I cant identify myself.

Ill fade back into the nothing, and become myself once again, or perhaps a shadow of myself. Like when there are many lights all around you, and you cast several shadows, but it seems like one shadow, just divided into parts. I feel like just a part, and I cant pull myself together. Faceted, fractured, divided, shattered.



-Q, or perhaps, a part of her