I've been thinking about compliments, and how I'm really bad at giving them. One of the reasons my last relationship failed was because I never gave her enough compliments. It's not that I didn't want to, it's not that I didn't love her, or find her attractive, I absolutely did... But I found it really hard to verbalise it, and I don't know why.
I can leave compliments on people's photo sets on here, and sometimes on members photos. It's not easy, it's a lot less difficult than saying it to someone in real life, or to someone I know.
Saying something like "Sweetheart, you look beautiful today." for some reason feels forced and fake. I think about saying it and I feel embarrassed. When I see other people doing it, it feels like an affectation, like sucking up. But when someone does it with me, it feels really good. When she would tell me I was beautiful, or something similar, inside I felt, I knew, I'm not really beautiful, I'm a 5 on a good day, but hearing it made me feel loved, it was amazing.
So if hearing those words, even though I don't myself believe them to be true, makes me happy, why can't I say them to others, and mean them, without feeling like a fraud? What is broken inside of me that I'm so inhibited, that I find it so painfully difficult to express affection for a woman I love? Am I just a selfish person? I want to be better, but I don't know how.
