"how many times undone can one person be? while you're careening through the facade of your favorite fantasy....you just close your eyes slowly, like you're waiting for a kiss....and hope some lowly little power will pull you out of this. But none comes at first, and little comes at all...when inspiration finally hits you, it barely even breaks your fall"-Ani D.
Sometimes I want to bash my skull against a brick wall. That's what it feels like when he calls....after all these years, new town, new love- but he can't let go. and stupid me, I can't decide if he's just looking for a fuck, an ego boost, or this time, someone to love him. I feel sorry for him-it was so hard watching him throw his life away....his career, and although at first it hurt me so bad to see them together, eventually he lost his girlfriend too....six years in the making, and i have nothing to show now. it was all tears for me, but now I'm indifferent...well on some levels...so i'll sit and listen, but i speak without emotion, and if there is any, it's only a cold abrupt truth. i don't know what he wants from me.....could he possibly expect me to just throw away what i have now, only because he FINALLY has no one to turn to or no one in HIS bed at night? what goes around comes around, and too many times i've been on the receiving end of his fucked up...well just fucked up behaviour in general. i say i'm indifferent...there is no love or hate...but why do i still talk to him.....why do i still pick up the phone, late at night....
Sometimes I want to bash my skull against a brick wall. That's what it feels like when he calls....after all these years, new town, new love- but he can't let go. and stupid me, I can't decide if he's just looking for a fuck, an ego boost, or this time, someone to love him. I feel sorry for him-it was so hard watching him throw his life away....his career, and although at first it hurt me so bad to see them together, eventually he lost his girlfriend too....six years in the making, and i have nothing to show now. it was all tears for me, but now I'm indifferent...well on some levels...so i'll sit and listen, but i speak without emotion, and if there is any, it's only a cold abrupt truth. i don't know what he wants from me.....could he possibly expect me to just throw away what i have now, only because he FINALLY has no one to turn to or no one in HIS bed at night? what goes around comes around, and too many times i've been on the receiving end of his fucked up...well just fucked up behaviour in general. i say i'm indifferent...there is no love or hate...but why do i still talk to him.....why do i still pick up the phone, late at night....
ferrara:
bad relationships tend to have a vicious cycle. If your anything like me then your picking up the phone at night, keeping him in your life becasue frankly he's whats available, just like I'm sure your what is available for him. You should stop being with him just because its convienient, to many people enter into wrong relationships out of convienience. From what you say he's clearly not worth it, you need to move on and so does he.