purpledaisy

so here i sit with my bottle of tequila listening to fragile, NIN, probably not a good combination for someone feeling the way i am... here i sit another night feeling so weird, but the feeling so familiar and i am drinking again...this cant be good...but i dont know what else to do, i dont like to be sober at the end of the day when i have worked and cleaned house and gone to work and dealt with the same asshole people in society and work, fuck them all... ...i feel like i need to be set free...but set free from what? *on my third shot and counting*
~~~~maybe i need an orgy...ha , that was a good one...fuck i hate this feeling, and it is sad to think that a lot of other people feel this way!!!!!!!!!!!!it is just horrible, , i dont want anyone to feel the way i do, i dont feel suicidal or anything like that...i feel like i should disappear though...leave and not tell anyone...but there is one major problem...i have a 1 yr old daughter and i would not do that to her, i would rather be miserable at night while she is in bed than leave that precious human who needs me and her daddy more than anything, if i know one thing i will not leave my child...but watch out when she is 18 man, fucking ROAD TRIP!!!!!! i have plenty of time to save..haha oh yeah fourth shot....woooooooooooooooooooo., ok , i have small buzz, it took 8 shots last night for a good buzz, this is little one, but another shot will help that...hehe...what to do what to do, seek a shrink? i already take meds to control my anxiety attacks along with my rage problems...hehe , but is a shrink necessary, hmm, i will have to think on that one...well i guess i will go and have somemore shots and listen to somemore NIN, god i love them, trent, oh yeah . much love all