Never done a blog before, but here it goes. I don't really know where to start so I'll start from the obvious point, my last relationship and the break up.
Before I start i'm going to make it clear that i'm not going to be that guy who's always moaning about his ex, or always obsessing over her, i'm for a positive new start to my life and ge tmyself back on my feet, so I will most likely never blog about her again.
I won't bore you with too many of the back details, but we started as a long distance relationship and were together for 3 years, not only was she my first love but my first girlfriend too. We were both from Brighton, but I was at uni in a place we will call W 90 miles away, we were this distance for the first year and she started uni at place we will call B 40 miles away from me during the second year. I finished uni at this point and she dropped out because the course was change completely from what she was expecting. So we both ended up living back at our homes. However once we were back in Brighton this is where the trouble started.
Now your first thought might be that weren't that good together in a normal short distance relationship, but we would regularly spend whole weeks staying with each other for the first 2 years with no problems. For this time I would regularly stay at hers for a few days, she had a double bed, I didn't. Dropping out uni had made quite depressed, but things only got worse. Her mother was a vert controlling snide person, she would insist everything was done for, would have snide little digs at her because as we thought she viewed it, my ex was a girl and could not be trusted because of it, her 2 brothers the older one was selfish spoiled brat and her younger brother was the same but also a drug dealer and had been involved in violent crime. We figured that as well being the only girl, she was best of 3 children and the one who wouldn't talk back this mean't she was the target of her mothers hostility. Her Dad wasn;t much better he had his own little digs about this and that.
My ex was becoming increasingly depressed and we would regularly argue because she just took her anger out on me and everything I said sounded like a dig. We had also started to have problems in bed, she wasn't wanting to have sex anyywhere near as much as she used and eventually it would always cause her great pain to do it, as it turned out there was nothing physically wrong with her and it was a mental thing. 2 months ago she broke up with because she didn't want to end up hating me and not take her anger out me, I went along with it at the time but later regretted that.
I had always insisted she talk to me about it and maybe she should seek help, I asked her several times to move in with me but she insisted she wasn't ready, I wanted to save her get her out of her toxic home environment. But this is where I went so horrifically wrong, by doing all these things I made her feel like I thought she was a damaged person and needed to to be saved, all I wanted was to see her happy again and have the girl I feel in love with back. I only realised this a week ago, that I wasn't a great boyfriend for the last year, I should have just been there for her when she wanted me too, backed off a bit to give her space and just let her deal with it in her own way rather than my way. It because of the way I acted that she took her anger out on me when i wasn't the source of it and I really believe if I had of been the way I should been she wouldn't have left me.
So that's my story, my tale of love and loss. My lack of relationship experience lead me to make some pretty catastrophic mistakes but now i've realised them and i'm determined to grow and learn from them. I will come out a stronger person for it and be able to be a great boyfriend to someone else again one day. Although meeting people is hard for me, the circles I hang in are quite normal people (they're my friends and I love them, the company matters more than the place to me) so I rarely meet my type. Im also quite shy when it comes to talking to girls I don't know initially, once the ice is broken however i'm pure confidence and quite an insane person to be around. I'm also your typical Mr. Nice Guy, so im used girls just wanting to be my friend rather than anything more which had been discouraging before my ex.
But thats what I need right now, new friends so I can be more myself with, indulge my punk, geeky and gamer side of me that I can't do with my friends now, not looking to replace them, just want to expand my social circles, meet new people and have some fun. Whilst i'm not ready for another relationship, establishing connections with people that may one day lead to something is something i'm looking to do, to show me that there is truth to the phrase "plenty more fish in the sea", that there is hope for the future as right now I struggle to see it.
And now for fun here's a pirate emoticon.
And video for a song that makes me feel better...
Before I start i'm going to make it clear that i'm not going to be that guy who's always moaning about his ex, or always obsessing over her, i'm for a positive new start to my life and ge tmyself back on my feet, so I will most likely never blog about her again.
I won't bore you with too many of the back details, but we started as a long distance relationship and were together for 3 years, not only was she my first love but my first girlfriend too. We were both from Brighton, but I was at uni in a place we will call W 90 miles away, we were this distance for the first year and she started uni at place we will call B 40 miles away from me during the second year. I finished uni at this point and she dropped out because the course was change completely from what she was expecting. So we both ended up living back at our homes. However once we were back in Brighton this is where the trouble started.
Now your first thought might be that weren't that good together in a normal short distance relationship, but we would regularly spend whole weeks staying with each other for the first 2 years with no problems. For this time I would regularly stay at hers for a few days, she had a double bed, I didn't. Dropping out uni had made quite depressed, but things only got worse. Her mother was a vert controlling snide person, she would insist everything was done for, would have snide little digs at her because as we thought she viewed it, my ex was a girl and could not be trusted because of it, her 2 brothers the older one was selfish spoiled brat and her younger brother was the same but also a drug dealer and had been involved in violent crime. We figured that as well being the only girl, she was best of 3 children and the one who wouldn't talk back this mean't she was the target of her mothers hostility. Her Dad wasn;t much better he had his own little digs about this and that.
My ex was becoming increasingly depressed and we would regularly argue because she just took her anger out on me and everything I said sounded like a dig. We had also started to have problems in bed, she wasn't wanting to have sex anyywhere near as much as she used and eventually it would always cause her great pain to do it, as it turned out there was nothing physically wrong with her and it was a mental thing. 2 months ago she broke up with because she didn't want to end up hating me and not take her anger out me, I went along with it at the time but later regretted that.
I had always insisted she talk to me about it and maybe she should seek help, I asked her several times to move in with me but she insisted she wasn't ready, I wanted to save her get her out of her toxic home environment. But this is where I went so horrifically wrong, by doing all these things I made her feel like I thought she was a damaged person and needed to to be saved, all I wanted was to see her happy again and have the girl I feel in love with back. I only realised this a week ago, that I wasn't a great boyfriend for the last year, I should have just been there for her when she wanted me too, backed off a bit to give her space and just let her deal with it in her own way rather than my way. It because of the way I acted that she took her anger out on me when i wasn't the source of it and I really believe if I had of been the way I should been she wouldn't have left me.
So that's my story, my tale of love and loss. My lack of relationship experience lead me to make some pretty catastrophic mistakes but now i've realised them and i'm determined to grow and learn from them. I will come out a stronger person for it and be able to be a great boyfriend to someone else again one day. Although meeting people is hard for me, the circles I hang in are quite normal people (they're my friends and I love them, the company matters more than the place to me) so I rarely meet my type. Im also quite shy when it comes to talking to girls I don't know initially, once the ice is broken however i'm pure confidence and quite an insane person to be around. I'm also your typical Mr. Nice Guy, so im used girls just wanting to be my friend rather than anything more which had been discouraging before my ex.
But thats what I need right now, new friends so I can be more myself with, indulge my punk, geeky and gamer side of me that I can't do with my friends now, not looking to replace them, just want to expand my social circles, meet new people and have some fun. Whilst i'm not ready for another relationship, establishing connections with people that may one day lead to something is something i'm looking to do, to show me that there is truth to the phrase "plenty more fish in the sea", that there is hope for the future as right now I struggle to see it.
And now for fun here's a pirate emoticon.
And video for a song that makes me feel better...
*hugs*
PS comment back in the blog of the person that left you a comment so they know you replied.