i had some kind of a breakdown inside of walmart today...

first off, i never ever shop at walmart but hey, when you've got 100 nieces and nephews to shop for there aren't a whole lotta choices out there for cheap shite...

anyways, i spent at least two hours walking around dodging old ladies, and kids, and pissy employees, filling up my cart with goodies. one second i thought i was doin great and had great stuff for everybody on the list, the next thing i know i was tossing stuff out of the cart left and right. "this gift sucks", "what am i thinking", "she won't like that", "blah blah blah". i decided right then and there that i hate fu*king christmas. i mean, i always have, but i've never formally declared it outloud in a public place before abandoning my cart fleeing to my car before...

do we really need all this damn stress? i saw it killing my mom every christmas growing up, her trying as hard as she could to stretch her non-existant budget over 6 ungrateful kids. and now i feel it. i'm only 24 for christs sake...

i'm not a religious person at all, but i still look forward to christmas as a chance for the whole family to get together for a moment or two and try to get along. i don't need presents from my sister to know she loves me. and if my only way of communicating my love for her is through gift-giving then what f'd up kind of relationship is that? screw christmas.

maybe one of those gift auction thingys where everybody brings one gift would be nice. who knows. somebody please tell me i'm crazy and that christmas really hasn't gotten this bad...