Hey SG,
I hope this finds you well and good.
So lets hypothetically that a part of my life - one of my favorite bits, actually - was over as of tonight. Lets say that my continuing knee pain means that I am never able to run again.
I would feel angry at the world for letting people get old and start falling apart, slowly, bit by bit. I'd find a way to bitch that I wouldn't feel guilty about, and I'd do it.
And then . . . well, fuck it, right? Nothing to be done. Start walking instead, or bike riding, or swimming (probably not swimming - to me a swimming pool is cocktails and Marco Polo, not exercise). Accept that this is the universe and it works the way it should, and accept.
I had a near death experience once - kind of. I was absolutely, 100% certain that I was about to die, and that my death was going to be painful and a tiny bit absurd (mauled by a bear while getting coffee). This feeling of true, certain, horrifying death lasted just about seven or eight seconds, but in that time I could only laugh. I remember thinking "well, I guess this is how it happens - bear attack. Gonna die right here. Right now." But I didn't feel bad, and I didn't have anywhere near enough time to think about death as the end of my existence as a being as we know it. I was okay with it, calm even.
But tonight, seriously thinking about my only not being able to run - like, no pain up and down stairs, or kneeling - made me feel like the world was an evil place with nothing but death in it. Like I had peaked in every bit of my life.
That's just hypothetical, of course. I'm going to make an appointment, see the doctor, and maybe no worries, I need to rest it for a few weeks or something. Special exercises. Surgery maybe.
Either way, the Universe is unfolding as it should.
Hope you are good tonight, SGL land. Sorry I've been away so long, hope you are still speaking to me. Thanks for being the place where I come to be my Realest Real.
Nothin but love,
ph
Taoist Thought of the Day: Everywhere you look, everywhere you put your mind, is Tao.
Pet Report: The dog is still driving me nuts. She stares at me in the face whenever I do anything freaky with my wife. Like I forget, then just move my head a little to the left and there is the dog, looking at me like "What are you doing to my mommy?" Lie on the floor and ignore us like a real dog!
Currently digging: The band practicing in my neighborhood, rigatoni with Brussels sprouts and figs, A glimpse of a long treasured dream now arriving at hanger one.