punkinfanta

i think i almost hate my body more now that i am losing weight. -30lbs so far. still 47lbs to my personal goal. and according to that BMI bullshit I'd have to lose 71 more lbs to be average or normal.

i am now 100% certain that i will need some sort of breast lift/removal of excess skin.

i have fluctuated from DD'S to what I feel like are small C's now. i am truly depressed about this. just had a big crying fit. All my life the attention I received was because of my breasts...so i used it to my advantage and flaunted them to feel wanted. even on this site....most all comments are about my tits.

now i almost feel lost. less feminine and like i have nothing to offer.

sure i am looking better in clothes, but the point was to look good naked and now i just feel smaller but flabby. i use to be plump. i am terrified of this excess skin.

now i don't know where i fit in at all or how to be sexy.

i am not as sad about having to have cosmetic surgery as much as i dont know how i will ever be able to afford it.

i go to the doctor again on monday to find out if i truly do have polycystic ovary disease. i haven't had a normal period since april. i am scared i am infertile. if i do have it, it would explain decreased breast size and my big ass hips. hormones are a grand thing. i will be devastated if i am infertile. i don't know how i'll even feel like a woman anymore when all my life i just wanted to be this femme fatale...

massive sobbing fest ensues....