when repression leads to a long line of perfectly misconstrued words...
"I know brown eyes get boring but if you want i'll wear dark glasses all the time, and hey, if you want me to, i'll take a knife to my own bright eyes."
I am smarter than I let on, smarter than my actions reflect. A losing battle, only with myself. I see it blossoming before my very eyes. Eyes which are not good enough. Perhaps once, long ago, but briefly, and that quickly faded. Eyes that once held love and hope, faith, a spark, a desire, a longing, a want....chemistry. Eyes that ached soley for one. Eyes that are now tired and defeated. No longer a fancy name of honey and gold specs that was once seen in the sunlight. Just brown..
Just brown...
For years now, in reflection upon reading which can not so easily be avoided, I wondered most times. I could guess as much, very vague. Perhaps it was more of a sick want, a need, so strong that the words were re-shaped to fit. Even this time I could construe them to work and it would be lovely and all I had wanted. But always...always has there been little specs of doubt dancing around inside. I yearn to squash them the way I want to squash the seed that has been planted within the two. They come from somewhere, a core hidden so deep that is so frightening and unwanted, yet seems to hold truths.
But truth lost all meaning.
Given womens intution, my re-shaped beautiful words created soley for me quickly took shapes that I recall too well. staring at the screen I saw them twist and form, their fractured spines. Your ocean air turned sour and your soft waves became ones that took me under and lost me at sea. the doubts are true. They showed me your words for what they really are, for whom inspired them, who they are(n't) meant for. My stomach turns every time, and like the last time.. Words, images emblazoned in my mind, hoping not for eternity. But it is the curse I was blessed with. Clever, witty and charming in your vagueness, almost tricked and coaxed into thinking it could be me. And I almost still want to believe. And truth be told, will carry hope till told otherwise.
What a feeling! Doubt dancing with hope is a lethal combination, one that lately I wish would be the right dose.
Funny thing is, what contradiction! When I , too, am equally guilty, if not more. Guilty in body whereas you are guilty in mind. Perfectly alike, how could I not have known?
There does seem to be another with starry eyes and the warmest of glances. But this poison hearts only wants venom. Venom in the hopes that it is also the cure...
"I know brown eyes get boring but if you want i'll wear dark glasses all the time, and hey, if you want me to, i'll take a knife to my own bright eyes."
I am smarter than I let on, smarter than my actions reflect. A losing battle, only with myself. I see it blossoming before my very eyes. Eyes which are not good enough. Perhaps once, long ago, but briefly, and that quickly faded. Eyes that once held love and hope, faith, a spark, a desire, a longing, a want....chemistry. Eyes that ached soley for one. Eyes that are now tired and defeated. No longer a fancy name of honey and gold specs that was once seen in the sunlight. Just brown..
Just brown...
For years now, in reflection upon reading which can not so easily be avoided, I wondered most times. I could guess as much, very vague. Perhaps it was more of a sick want, a need, so strong that the words were re-shaped to fit. Even this time I could construe them to work and it would be lovely and all I had wanted. But always...always has there been little specs of doubt dancing around inside. I yearn to squash them the way I want to squash the seed that has been planted within the two. They come from somewhere, a core hidden so deep that is so frightening and unwanted, yet seems to hold truths.
But truth lost all meaning.
Given womens intution, my re-shaped beautiful words created soley for me quickly took shapes that I recall too well. staring at the screen I saw them twist and form, their fractured spines. Your ocean air turned sour and your soft waves became ones that took me under and lost me at sea. the doubts are true. They showed me your words for what they really are, for whom inspired them, who they are(n't) meant for. My stomach turns every time, and like the last time.. Words, images emblazoned in my mind, hoping not for eternity. But it is the curse I was blessed with. Clever, witty and charming in your vagueness, almost tricked and coaxed into thinking it could be me. And I almost still want to believe. And truth be told, will carry hope till told otherwise.
What a feeling! Doubt dancing with hope is a lethal combination, one that lately I wish would be the right dose.
Funny thing is, what contradiction! When I , too, am equally guilty, if not more. Guilty in body whereas you are guilty in mind. Perfectly alike, how could I not have known?
There does seem to be another with starry eyes and the warmest of glances. But this poison hearts only wants venom. Venom in the hopes that it is also the cure...
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
buckyverano:
This is true.. I hold you responsible for a good little chunk of the t-shirts I own and I still appreciate it very much 
wildtheleopard:
When did you get this apartment? If it was like a week ago, I'm going to be upset. But then again hey, I should be glad that you at least remembered me. 