this randomly popped in my head while showering (i do most of my contemplating about life in the shower)
i wrote this a while back. i had to go through pages and pages of blogs to find it. i wonder if i post all my old blogs here if people will read? they are long. pages long. but good mind you. deep. i like re-reading them and seeing my progression, and at times, regression (word?) i have always been one of self reflection, discovery, and in turn i take this deep sense of self i have and try to figure others out (which has proven to be not as easy) i really have the urge to write, but i must go to work...so i'll leave you all with what randomly came to mind (or not so randomly)
"february '06
[moi]
Current mood: living
in the dark side of her mind she has reverted back to how she use to be. she doesn't want to. she doesn't want to believe it. the little lost girl who always felt that she was only good for one thing.a child not special enough. not deserving ENOUGH. someone came along and saved her.the only man to ever want more.she gave everything she had been saving up. EVERYTHING.first her body, because that was all she knew. then slowly her mind and her heart and her soul. but the salvation he bestowed was only momentarily. he too, broke her. proved her right. now she is back. not special enough, not deserving enough.except these times, she gives in. and should it hurt her so when she is even rejected in that aspect?...it does. she wants to be the best at the only thing she is made for. a vixen, femme fatale.always been her dark dream. brighter her wants nothing more than to love and be loved. maybe you can only be and recieve what you believe yourself to be and deserve."
thoughts? questions?
raw vulnerability ensues.....
i wrote this a while back. i had to go through pages and pages of blogs to find it. i wonder if i post all my old blogs here if people will read? they are long. pages long. but good mind you. deep. i like re-reading them and seeing my progression, and at times, regression (word?) i have always been one of self reflection, discovery, and in turn i take this deep sense of self i have and try to figure others out (which has proven to be not as easy) i really have the urge to write, but i must go to work...so i'll leave you all with what randomly came to mind (or not so randomly)
"february '06
[moi]
Current mood: living
in the dark side of her mind she has reverted back to how she use to be. she doesn't want to. she doesn't want to believe it. the little lost girl who always felt that she was only good for one thing.a child not special enough. not deserving ENOUGH. someone came along and saved her.the only man to ever want more.she gave everything she had been saving up. EVERYTHING.first her body, because that was all she knew. then slowly her mind and her heart and her soul. but the salvation he bestowed was only momentarily. he too, broke her. proved her right. now she is back. not special enough, not deserving enough.except these times, she gives in. and should it hurt her so when she is even rejected in that aspect?...it does. she wants to be the best at the only thing she is made for. a vixen, femme fatale.always been her dark dream. brighter her wants nothing more than to love and be loved. maybe you can only be and recieve what you believe yourself to be and deserve."
thoughts? questions?
raw vulnerability ensues.....
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Oh, and I know exactly what you mean... I contemplate much while in the shower.