punkdork

Ironically, while I booze it up by myself and listen to blues all by myself, I’m too happy to be clever, so I’ll just be descriptive.

For the past few weeks, I’ve felt nothing. Every night I’ve grabbed my pillow, and I’ve imagined that I’m somewhere else. For the past week, I’ve barely left my house. I didn’t want to go anywhere. I have this belief, that man needs to believe that either his life is good or that it’ll get better. I was living for tomorrow, every day I wanted to wake up thinking tomorrow will be better.

While talking to Elle, I’ve been depressed. there’s no way around it. I don’t think that I was in love with her, but I felt things, and those things hurt now. I try to go to the gym at times that I hope she’s not there. Just in case, I scope the place out, just in case she is there. She’s usually on the machines, so it’s easy to spot her without being seen.

However, I had a crush the last week that I dated Elle. I never talked to my crush. I admired her. I always admired her. She was like Elle. She was smart and interesting, but she lived in a far away land. We hung out once, a long ass time ago. She brought her friend over, and I was a little disappointed, because I sort of liked her. We became facebook friends.

Sara, the girl I liked, just graduated college. I told her of my plans to break up with elle 4 days before I ever broke up with her. Today, after days of deflecting unwanted attention on okcupid, I decided that it wasn’t for me. Okcupid is lame. I’ve never found a girl that I was into on Okcupid. Craigslist is a fat girl’s paradise, and all the men are so horny that they have a permanent case of beer googles.

So what option do I have but scour my extended social network?

Sara is pretty. Really pretty. To boot, she’s a veterinarian . I’m not going to lie, I have a thing for ladies that want to save animals.

Eh, she’s the hot one. I guess I should elaborate on my type. I like tannish, but not too tan. I like people to have my skin color, or the extreme opposite. In essence, I want a olive?( i look nothing like an olive, evern though that’s the description for people like me) skin color, OR ghostly white or extreme black. I don’t why, but that’s what I’m attracted to. In case you’re wondering, I’m pretty sure that sara is mexican. She is olive skinned?

I always thought it was funny that Elle thought that I was attracted to white girls. The truth was that I was attracted to women that looked like me, but I was open to dating other types of women. It just happens that most of the girls I dated were white.

I love women with curly hair. I’ve never dated one. In fact, I was close with Elle, she had curly, but she did some weird wig transplant thing, so her hair was filled with the hair of unborn children. It’s scary, but you know whatever, other women do it too. Btw guys, watch out for the unborn children hair girls, i’m pretty sure they’re cursed or something.

Today, I finally starting messaging sara with the intent to flirt. I should mention that I’m really bad at flirting. I just can’t take it seriously. It all starts to sound like a bad pornographic script to me.

Me- Hey baby, I noticed you exist

Girl - Oh thanks, I like existing.

Me- That’s cool. Damn, you’re so hot. I’m pretty sure that you’re on fire.

Girl - thanks, you should put out my fire.

Me - *tries to pee on girl*

Girl- *calls police*

Me- *Gets arrested for misinterpreting the metaphor*

Perhaps it’s some sort of vulnerability. I don’t want to be that vulnerable that a person knows that I like them, because the fear of rejection is too great. Either way, I’m pretty cautious in making sure that no one knows that I like them. Except today, Except Sara.

You have to understand that I always kind of liked her, but I never really had an opportunity to pursue her, and I still don’t. The rational side of me realizes that we’re going to see each other twice in the next month or so, and fuck the shit out of each other, then never see each other again, but I kind of want more than just that, sadly, I know it’s out reach. I live in Illinois. Sara just moved to California for some fucking reason. BOOO!

I can’t articulate how bad I am at flirting, so I’ll just show you.

I don’t know Sara’s last name, she always hid it from me as a joke, it’s not on her facebooth, also her friends jokingly never told me either. All I have is hints, and some rough equivalent of what it may or may not sound like. Well that’s not true, she told it to me once, but I never cared to remember. Consequently, I have made up name for her in my telio-phone. Btw, We were talking about watching breaking bad episodes, and I had just asked which episode she was on during her breaking bad binge.

In spite of all the crap I’ve said, I know one thing, this is going to happen. I’m going to see her, and I can’t wait to kiss her, and hold her, and assault her body with kisses from head to toe. Well maybe not toes, but definitely her head. I want to hold her. I want to squeeze her in my arms, flexing as I feel her body give. I want to wrap my arms around her while she attempts to sleep, just before I grab her head, then start kissing her all over again.

we made plans to tour all the breweries from here to wherever she wants. She’s into beer, and I’m into her. I really hope this works out, even thought it’s doomed to fail.

Also, I should add, I’m really, really bad at sex talk, but I’ll leave that for another blog post.