pumpkineater

Eunice once told me when you really love someone so much, you often have unrealistic expectations of/for them. We expect them to know things, do things, say thingsto be supernatural humans because somewhere in our hearts, that is how we see them. Thats why we are more forgiving of our friends and acquaintances - because our expectations for them arent as high. Unfortunately, there seems to be almost no latitude for the ones we love. As anybody who has been in love can tell you, this leads to a destructive and painful and ultimately inevitable end.

Sadly, I do that to the woman I love. In my mind, she lives, eats and sleeps on a pedestal so high that if she only knew of it, she would blush and be dizzy from the height. She is so beautiful and strong in spirit it overpowers my whole being. And yet I hurt her so much, and I am hurt by her so much. Most of the time not even from anything she does mind you, but from what goes on in my inane thoughts. Perceived slights. Unfair and unreasonable expectation. And mostly because I hold her to something that I shouldnt.

Im trying to change that though. I want to tell her how wonderful she is just the way she is. How amazing she is. How perfect and good she really is. How awesome the person she wants to grow and mature into will be. How much I love her. How much I hope that we will grow old together. And sometimes, the words and actions in my head and heart seem to get lost in translation. All I really want to do is make her happy. And for her to be happy. Everything else is bullshit. I should be the most patient and most forgiving, and the most understanding and the most kind to her, above everything/body else.

I should tell her Im sorry in advance for all my stupidity, but I dont because Im so stubborn and prideful. But thats how I feel. Im so lucky to be with her.

Wouldnt you agree?