Sunday Sep 26, 2004

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i cant believe i still get that nervous excitement where my palms sweat, my heart races and i wonder stupidly, "do i look ok?" that i still like her even though i love her and am in love w/ her.

tonite she sleeps w/ her fists clenched and i can read her knuckles. maybe right now its only in your dreams but soon it'll be a waking conscious reality.

i can look you in the eyes and tell you everything'll be ok b/c it will. even though i'm not even the one who can anymore, it'll be ok.

tell me the story again, the one that starts like a tragedy and ends in a fairy tale.



where have all my friends gone?
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
daliyah:
exactly! blackeyed
hickuphelpline:
I've smoked a lot of weed for a long time and it has probably changed the way I think but schizophrenia isn't something that I worry about too much. When I hear music in my head or my brain goes into overdrive, when it's flipping over and under and throwing out crap (haha? Crap my bottom. I wouldn't miss it for the world. I generally don't miss it for the world) I can reassure myself that it is really late and I had been on a bender. However, I am not quiet mind in my mind. I've only had one introductory session with a psychologist. They will tell me that I am a naughty, hyper, damaged person. Or at least, that is as much as I can hope for. I'm definitly a bit autistic, but that's linked to my dyslexia, the severity of which is compensated for by loads of hard work. That's why I don't post as much as I'd like to. Often I know what I want to say but the prospect of sitting here for up to an hour while I spell it out is too much for me. *In Marches The Indifference*

Fixed titles bore me and I've actually never really had one, just a lot of nicknames. They called me 'Walker' at school, (it is my last name) and Pete mostly at college but I didn't like that either. Don't you think that life would be more interesting if we didn't use the same name, or a name at all? We could all have a code that changed according to the time elapsed since our birth. We might meet a lot more people that way and because we can learn so much from oneanother, that be a good idea!

You seem really nice, for a boy. Tell your friends that they shouldn't leave you. I hope I don't pose a "guilt by association" issue too.

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