i still don't have a job, this makes me a sad panda. i'm not really sad that i'm not working so much as that i'm sad that i'm not doing anything at all. at least work is something to do. i have a tentative dinner date with a prospective female friend. it has been forever since i've had a close female friend. that is not to say that having guy friends is not worthwhile but that there are differences between girl type friends and guy type friends, especially guy friends that are also friends with your spouse. i almost always felt bad bitching to one of joe's friends about joe. it has become very important to me to have friends of my own. since joe and i started dating his friends have always been my friends whether i genuinely liked them or not. for the most part i would just hang out because i didn't want to be alone. that's needy isn't it? of course there were exceptions like ethan and aaron, jeff and bryan for a while. those boys helped me through some of the bigger messes that i created in my life.
i haven't had a close female friend since my sophomore year of high school, her name was andrea. andrea and i had an unusual relationship. it was one of those friendships that you look back on and wonder how we didn't drive each other insane. both of us were social lepers and we knew it, we were both too brainy and quiet for our own good, at least in school. when we got together it seemed like all the self-conscious bullshit melted away and we were secure in the knowledge that though we were considered to be weird and awkward we were weird and awkward together. we were like peanut butter and jelly. we filled in each others personality trait gaps. if she wasn't feeling confident i would be confident for her, if i was lacking compassion she would be compassionate for me. rarely were we both at a loss for answers. after she moved we didn't talk much, much of it due to my own stubbornness. even though we were in different states we have shared many of the same experiences. it's odd.
tomorrow is the beauty school expo in burbank. i've never been up that way so this should prove interesting. my school is in competition for hair and makeup, plus i will actually get the opportunity to interact with other humans! sometimes i just want to be around people, we don't even have to be talking or anything, it's just nice to inhabit the same area as someone else. if anyone nearby wants to inhabit the same space as me feel free to send a message.
i was making cheese dip yesterday and cut the middle finger of my left hand with the top of the can of cream of mushroom soup. this reaffirmed the fact that i hate cream of mushroom soup. you would think that being a cutter kid would help when it comes to things like the sight of blood and my tolerance for pain but it doesn't. at least when i'm doing it to myself i have control over it. i don't like surprise pain, it's too sneaky for me. i have become a tea drinking monster, i've cut out soda and juice so all i'm left with is water and tea. i love tea. and it's not even a certain kind of tea, just whatever they were selling at the dollar store.
my weight loss continues but has slowed down. i've been doing really good for the last month but now the cravings are starting to kick in. last night i would have given a kidney for chocolate mousse. i settled for a cup of chocolate pudding that i found at the very back of the fridge. i'm happy to see that my boobs are not shrinking too much due to the weight loss, though my band size has changed a bit. i could probably wear a thirty-two instead of a thirty-four. in pants i have gone from a thirteen to a nine. about a year ago i started gaining weight pretty rapidly partially because of the medications i was on and partially because i am a lazy motherfucker who hates physical activity and loves cake. i went from a size five to a size thirteen in less than a year. i went from weighing 125 to weighing 165. and on the average woman 165 is not that big of a deal, but i'm five feet tall so of course i freaked out. now i'm trying to change all of that and get back to a reasonable size, not that a thirteen isn't reasonable it just doesn't feel good to me.
a opossum ran out in front of the car on our way back from the movie theater a couple nights ago (go see the prestige, it's good). to me seeing a opossum is good luck, i have even made wishes on possums. opossums are a sign of good fortune to me, so hopefully my luck will take a turn for the better soon. happy opossum wishes to you all.
i haven't had a close female friend since my sophomore year of high school, her name was andrea. andrea and i had an unusual relationship. it was one of those friendships that you look back on and wonder how we didn't drive each other insane. both of us were social lepers and we knew it, we were both too brainy and quiet for our own good, at least in school. when we got together it seemed like all the self-conscious bullshit melted away and we were secure in the knowledge that though we were considered to be weird and awkward we were weird and awkward together. we were like peanut butter and jelly. we filled in each others personality trait gaps. if she wasn't feeling confident i would be confident for her, if i was lacking compassion she would be compassionate for me. rarely were we both at a loss for answers. after she moved we didn't talk much, much of it due to my own stubbornness. even though we were in different states we have shared many of the same experiences. it's odd.
tomorrow is the beauty school expo in burbank. i've never been up that way so this should prove interesting. my school is in competition for hair and makeup, plus i will actually get the opportunity to interact with other humans! sometimes i just want to be around people, we don't even have to be talking or anything, it's just nice to inhabit the same area as someone else. if anyone nearby wants to inhabit the same space as me feel free to send a message.
i was making cheese dip yesterday and cut the middle finger of my left hand with the top of the can of cream of mushroom soup. this reaffirmed the fact that i hate cream of mushroom soup. you would think that being a cutter kid would help when it comes to things like the sight of blood and my tolerance for pain but it doesn't. at least when i'm doing it to myself i have control over it. i don't like surprise pain, it's too sneaky for me. i have become a tea drinking monster, i've cut out soda and juice so all i'm left with is water and tea. i love tea. and it's not even a certain kind of tea, just whatever they were selling at the dollar store.
my weight loss continues but has slowed down. i've been doing really good for the last month but now the cravings are starting to kick in. last night i would have given a kidney for chocolate mousse. i settled for a cup of chocolate pudding that i found at the very back of the fridge. i'm happy to see that my boobs are not shrinking too much due to the weight loss, though my band size has changed a bit. i could probably wear a thirty-two instead of a thirty-four. in pants i have gone from a thirteen to a nine. about a year ago i started gaining weight pretty rapidly partially because of the medications i was on and partially because i am a lazy motherfucker who hates physical activity and loves cake. i went from a size five to a size thirteen in less than a year. i went from weighing 125 to weighing 165. and on the average woman 165 is not that big of a deal, but i'm five feet tall so of course i freaked out. now i'm trying to change all of that and get back to a reasonable size, not that a thirteen isn't reasonable it just doesn't feel good to me.
a opossum ran out in front of the car on our way back from the movie theater a couple nights ago (go see the prestige, it's good). to me seeing a opossum is good luck, i have even made wishes on possums. opossums are a sign of good fortune to me, so hopefully my luck will take a turn for the better soon. happy opossum wishes to you all.
Happy opossum wishes to you, too!