pudding

the nail expo is tomorrow, i aranged it so i don't have to get up early. this week has been rough, school is highly demanding and i feel a ton of pressure to do well. sometimes i feel like shit because my instructor showers me with praise and all i can think about is either how i could have done better or repressing my urges to run away. i went on a really beautiful drive the other evening, by accident because i got lost in town again, and while it was wonderful and relaxing the notion popped into my head that if i drove fast enough off the side of the road i bet i could hit the water. that's a little sick right? even when i feel "fine" i have thoughts like that, i'm one sick puppy. i'd never do it though, too much pain, i'm a hardcore wuss. anyway, joe and i have been fighting a lot this week, both of us are on edge most of the time. i got so upset while i was sitting in the car talking to him on the phone the other day that i started rubbing this spot between my eyebrows and eventually scratched it until the i peeled away the skin. now i have a small scab. gross. it's only been five days and i'm tired of being blonde already, while i do enjoy looking totally fake in the rug doesn't match the drapes kind of way, i can't get over the fact that my hair is still slightly yellow. i put my doorknocker nipple rings back in. switching it up. loves, -c.