pudding

last monday i went to the doctor about the headaches i was having, they told me the same shit they told me back in janurary and put me on the same meds. i was less than satisfied by this outcome. somewhere around five that evening i start drinking knowing full well that i had to be into work at midnight. end up calling in sick...
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there will be updating later. just know that after my night of drunkenness it all went south in a hurry.

called in sick to work last night because i was drunk as all fucking hell. now i feel bad.

yesterday was my two year wedding anniversary. it was all fine and good until i got a text from joe last night. it wasn't an awful or spiteful text, in a way it's thoughtfulness was worse than spite. spite i would have handled better. he opened with, "happy anniversary, lol." and from there he went on about how i seem happy now and he is...
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my moods have been all fucking kinds of erratic lately. i wish they weren't. my cynicism keeps dragging me down. more later.

today was my last day in the premade (fruit salad producing) section of produce. next saturday the powers at be are going to teach me how to be a cashier. excellent! and joe has decided not to be a dick about vic being at the house so i will be spending more time at home. *happy dance* the best part about being a cashier? more...
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therapy went well. i go back on monday. actually spent some time here at the house today. tossed out half of my makeup collection, it went from being three boxes to just one. i also went through some of the sentimental shit i had been holding on to and trashed most of it. old letters from joe when he was in basic training and shit...
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it's a sure sign that the end is near. i have appointments with a new shrink and a new therapist tomorrow. what is going through my head? a permanent headache, lack of sleep, a sense of impending doom, and a fuck-ton of stress. mmm...stress. while at one point stress and i had a brief but torrid love affair, the honeymoon is now over and i...
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it's all fucking kinds of complicated. i feel like i have until the first of december to undo all the shit i've spend such generous amounts of time fucking up. nice. the way i've been living lately is making me physically sick. i have a headache just about every second of every day, i might be running a fever but don't have the desire to...
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not for you!

perspective and boundaries...where the hell have i heard this shit before?

this is the longest i have been home in three days. next week will be different, working six days again. haven't been on the computer for more than fifteen minutes in over a week. my cpu fan is busted so it overheats and locks up. suck. it locked up during some good girl squirt porn the other day. made me sad. i have the cover...
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