pubert

I have a monster fucking head ache. It resembles a hangover...which is odd because I distinctly recall NOT drinking last night. Maybe its a lack of sleep. Maybe its guilt pangs. Or maybe my brain is just retailating for wearing one contact at a time. In any case, it's probly a rotten combo of all of them. Nothing a good round of huffing ethier fumes in the garage won't cure I suppose. But i'm not that desperate yet. Nothing is more decadant and depraved than a man in the grips of an ether binge.

I'm still angry about learning about my mom. Its like i feel guilty for it. Like i put that lump there. My mom internalizes a lot of shit. And she's been really worried about me as of late. On top of that shes away in washington right now, just got back from airzona on saturday. Comes back home friday I think...than goes to canada monday. SO god only knows when she will have time to go to the doctor.

Maybe huffing fumes from strange wierd chemicals can make me forget about thigns a while...I need drugs of some sort. I'm tired of feeling that empty little satchel in my rib cage.