psynapse

i am not good enough. i deserve nothing. i am ugly, and no girls will ever love me. i can't do anything right. for the rest of my life i will be alone. there is nothing out there for me. my life is worthless. i will never amount to anything. i am just wasting time.


today is my fathers birthday. he would be 59. i...
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there will be no bitching and moaning in the following journal entry. so those of you tired of hearing me whine about the girl who will never love me need not worry about any of that for the time being. you can just sit back and catch a glimpse of my brain when it's not swirling with frustration, doubt, anger, sadness, regret and despair. here...
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on the run! gotta shower and i'm out the door and on the way to 9.30 for yo la tengo! weeeee!!

i don't have much to say right now. hockey starts tonight, so i'm pretty excited about that, but the caps don't play until tomorrow. i won't be able to see the game cause i'm going to the yo la tengo show at 9.30 club. i know everyone is real interested to know what i'm doing thursday night. by the way, this is week 5 of...
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everyone go away.

i just don't care. there is nothing for me, nor do i deserve anything. i want to lie down and go to sleep. i want to forget that i ever knew anyone. i want to forget her name. i want to sleep in a cold, dark, empty room, and have cold, dark, empty dreams. i don't want this aching anymore. i want numbness and no...
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tonight i watched the final episode of temptation island. it was the first time i'd seen it, but i got sucked in as soon as i put it on. at first i wanted to vomit, but i couldn't change the channel. it was bordering on the surreal...all these beautiful people gallavanting around in tropical island paradises, while being goaded into ruining their relationships. imagine having...
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i am so lonely. i've gotten to the point where i'm starting to question if maybe, subconciously, i enjoy being alone. now that i've met a girl who is everything i look for, and i know there is no hope of anything developing, it's like giant shakers of salt being poured directly onto my heart...one big open wound. most people would say (i think) that...
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i am a house of cards. my foundation is millimeters wide. the slightest breeze threatens to reduce me to a pile of flat paper. no matter what heights i may acheive, it is never solid. the longer i go, the more perilous my existence. this is what love is doing to me.

as an aside...i would like to die on my birthday. i have a...
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i don't understand strip clubs. it's been a really long time since i got any, and my friends at work have been trying to convince me to go with them to a strip club in dc. i adamantly refuse every time. they say, "don't you want a lap dance? don't you want beautiful girls getting naked right in your face?" when i say "NO!" they...
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