There is a kind of sadness that simply does not go away, even after
love is long gone and forgotten, and when anger flares. I am reminded
of it every single time I walk into my apartment and remember that I
lived for over a month with someone who was lying to me when we had
agreed that we would never keep anything from each...
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love is long gone and forgotten, and when anger flares. I am reminded
of it every single time I walk into my apartment and remember that I
lived for over a month with someone who was lying to me when we had
agreed that we would never keep anything from each...
Read More
got me a mild crush... it is a long shot, but you gotta play to win, right?
sniggitysnags:
...not all the time, you could lose from the get go. Make sure its feasible, and if she is not single. Don't EVEN think about it....
I realize it is a perverse pleasure, but I am pretty proud of the fact that I seem to be getting my work stamina back. I got to work at 5 am today, and am leaving at 11:30 pm to work from home (so I think).
Now, this is not me being a workaholic, but I do like the fact that I am getting back...
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Now, this is not me being a workaholic, but I do like the fact that I am getting back...
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abarat:
Hey! 
Nothing new to speak of here. Same old same old......Workimg a shit load this weekend. Tired me. So, the only time something exciting could happen to me is on the way to or from work. That 
. Oh well.....Hope you have a great weekend.
Nothing new to speak of here. Same old same old......Workimg a shit load this weekend. Tired me. So, the only time something exciting could happen to me is on the way to or from work. That . Oh well.....Hope you have a great weekend.[edited out]
abarat:
I haven't let go of something yet. It's been months. Some days are good, then there are the days where it seems like nothing will ever be better then what was before. Actually, it was someone else that let go first. I can't yet. It almost feels better not to, cause when I let go the time will pass and I'll forget. I dont want to forget yet. The memories still make me smile on the inside. So, the "why" was just what was on my mind at the time. But in reality, I probably dont want to know why. I probably wont ever know. Aaaah, what can we do huh? Not a lot.
On a brighter note, it snowed many inches here over Saturday night. No school today. So, Cam and I are home together and thats really nice. I hope things are good for you today as well. -.a
On a brighter note, it snowed many inches here over Saturday night. No school today. So, Cam and I are home together and thats really nice. I hope things are good for you today as well. -.a
abarat:
Thought I'd stop in to say hi. So, "hi".
What are two people like us to do? I think I need assistance. Where's the instruction book? Aaaaaaargh.....
What are two people like us to do? I think I need assistance. Where's the instruction book? Aaaaaaargh.....
Today, another door slammed shut.
How I wish that months ago I had not been left naked in the cold outside, confused, broken and humiliated by the first door that shut when I never expected it to. Alas, that one did shut, and the keys and latches to it were lies that I did not even know existed.
Herein lies the paradox. I found myself...
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How I wish that months ago I had not been left naked in the cold outside, confused, broken and humiliated by the first door that shut when I never expected it to. Alas, that one did shut, and the keys and latches to it were lies that I did not even know existed.
Herein lies the paradox. I found myself...
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VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
abarat:
What is going on? Your entries are far from happy. 
I feel badly that your having a hard time. You're in my thoughts.
I feel badly that your having a hard time. You're in my thoughts.
chimericalme:
Dayum dude.
Who's ass did you kick??
Who's ass did you kick??
Dreams...
The mind is a funy thing. I do not buy into interpretation of dreams, mystical of Freudian, but they can help you realize things. I had two dreams today about losses I had. In the first, I was on the phone with my mother, and we both knew that she was going to die. Knowing that, I was resolved to go be with her....
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The mind is a funy thing. I do not buy into interpretation of dreams, mystical of Freudian, but they can help you realize things. I had two dreams today about losses I had. In the first, I was on the phone with my mother, and we both knew that she was going to die. Knowing that, I was resolved to go be with her....
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abarat:
I remember I told someone last year while having a conversation about the death of someone else's mother that I hoped my son passed before me. He thought that was morbid and kind of creepy. My reasoning is I would rather feel the pain of loosing my son then have him feel the pain of loosing his mom. I've never felt the pain of loosing a really close loved one. The last line in your journal entry is on target, once again you have captured in words what I have felt everyday for months.
pstlapsecassiel:
Places I like
If the mountain will not come to me...
I'll go to it, dammit.
One of the things that I like least about Atlanta is the fact that the modern dance scene is gimpy. I can either sit here and bitch about it, or do soething about it. So I am doing something about it. I am going to NYC in March to see Mark Morris,...
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I'll go to it, dammit.
One of the things that I like least about Atlanta is the fact that the modern dance scene is gimpy. I can either sit here and bitch about it, or do soething about it. So I am doing something about it. I am going to NYC in March to see Mark Morris,...
Read More
Dodged the bullet (I think).
Most importantly, hypermediocrity stepped in for me big time. Little things that make a difference ... like when a friend lets you know that she is there for you.
Most importantly, hypermediocrity stepped in for me big time. Little things that make a difference ... like when a friend lets you know that she is there for you.
notoriouscat:
I hope that things are getting better for you. 
abarat:
I have to stay here, but I'm there for you too.
Doesn't that make perfect sense?
Doesn't that make perfect sense?
Thin ice
Eggshells
Clay feet
There never was a net, but right now the view of he world upside down is making me wish there was one.
Eggshells
Clay feet
There never was a net, but right now the view of he world upside down is making me wish there was one.
It occurred to me today that I might not make it, that I might just come up short and the dream that began unravelling a few months ago might just finish its ugly crash around me (no I am not killing myself)
I am terrified. Things I could take in stride make me shake with anxiety.
I am terrified. Things I could take in stride make me shake with anxiety.
abarat:
Ooooh, I take meds for anxiety. I was born shaky. Like J-E-LL-O. I love dreaming. I always have dreams where I'm a kid again. It's always baffled me. I almost never have dreams about me at my current point in life,ever. Dont be terrified. That sucks.
Dont be shaky. That sucks too.
Dont be shaky. That sucks too.
hypermediocrity:
alex.
you know i am here for you.
i shall respond to you email soon. lunch thursday?
you know i am here for you.
i shall respond to you email soon. lunch thursday?
This thing I am after,,, ineffable
like nostalgia for the future
born out of the grievous loss of something I would not want to recover
stretched, I wonder how close to the edge I am, as a nagging doubt insinuates itself into the fabric of my days
comfort seems to elude me, or perhaps I avoid it
like nostalgia for the future
born out of the grievous loss of something I would not want to recover
stretched, I wonder how close to the edge I am, as a nagging doubt insinuates itself into the fabric of my days
comfort seems to elude me, or perhaps I avoid it