Ok, some people might actually think less of me upon reading this one. But fuck it, I'm gonna post this anyway. So, Saturday Night I'm sittin home all by my onesies watchin Law and Order SVU on the idiot box when I hear my cellphone upstairs on the charger reporting that I have Voicemail. I'm too lazy to go upstairs and get the cell to check the voicemail so I grab the cordless and dial myself up and get into my Voicemail that way. So there's a message from Someone named Andrea, wondering what I'm up to tonight. I begin racking my brain trying to place the name Andrea. I run in many different circles of people, alot of which overlap and some that don't. But the name means nothing from any of my circles. So, I call up my pal Shane to maybe jog my memory in case she's someone I met at the club whilst intoxicated. Shane confirms what I had suspected.....I know NO ONE named andrea that would have my cell number. Shane and I decide to go for dinner at our local Mexican joint which is one of our big connections because we're both addicted to the place. Shane drops by and picks me up to go grab chow. and after dinner I decide to call back the mysterious Andrea, still figuring that she's someone I know but don't remember by name. I know alot of people, most of em by Face but, as some of you may have noticed I rarely ever use someone's name while speaking with them. So, I call, she answers we talk and she speaks like we're familiar, so I tell ehr to come down since we have no idea what we're doing. She tells me we'll have to go pick her up since her license is suspended. I also find out that she's 22. None of it rings a bell so as we decide to drive out to meet her, I'm certain that this is a wrong number, but decide to see it through. So we get to the meting point and
Shane and I decide that if this girl is some scary skank psycho, we're staying in the truck with the engine running so that we can get out of there in a hurry.
And so we wait....the street is basically deserted, if my life were a movie this would have been a setup and I would barely survive the ambush. But seeing as my life is very seldom a movie, a few moments pass, and into the streetlights walks a girl. At, first look I know 2 things. 1) This is Andrea
2) I have never met this person before.
She's 5'1" probably 105lbs, Blonde hair down to about her shoulders in Faded Blue Buttonfly Hiphuggers and a Black Halter with a lace up front. This girl is you run of the mill Top 40 Pop culture type. Normally Girls like this look at a guy like me. 6'2" Bald with a goatee and my Big Black Boots and Bad Attitude, and they either
A) avoid me like the plague
B) make some snarky comment that would likely get their teeth knocked out if I were capable of hitting a woman in anger.
So she looks around, she's obviously looking for someone, she wanders over to the truck and asks if she can borrow a cellphone. I hand her the nextel and as she flips it open, I rattle off the number of my cellphone. She begins to think that it's some kind of practical joke by the guy she thought she was calling and that he was in the backseat of the truck. Turns out, she had met this guy at a bar, they hit it off, and he gave her a phony phone number. But, regardless of this she gets into the truck and we talk for a bit. She seems like an ok kid, we make introductions, and we decide to go back to my place and have a few drinks. We get back, pull up chairs in my kitchen and open a bottle of scotch . We sit and talk, and she's starting to seem like there's something she's not telling us. We get to talking about things, our pasts, what we do etc. What does she do for a living....yeah here it comes.....shoulda seen it coming........
She's a stripper, yup, after all this is ME we're talking about. Well, there's more to the story....the stripper thing doesn't phase me. Then she mentions that she just got out of jail. For what, she says something about a few warrants for driving without a license. Ok that's not too bad. Then she mentions, matter of factly, Heroin posession. Yep, so, a girl gets the wrong number, meets me, and what does she turn out to be, but a Stripper on Heroin. This is how my life works. She mentions that she's actually trying to kick Heroin. And things are going well, Shane Bails because he has to meet his girlfriend for lunch and needs some sleep. Leaving me alone in my house with Andrea the Junkie Stripper. Long Story short, she's a Good kid. Misguided? Yes. She's made some bad decisions. But she comes from a good family. And she has genuine remorse for what she's done. Well, She decides that she needs some sleep so I offer to show her to a bedroom. She asks if I'm going to be up there, I say yes since all the bedrooms are on the same level, I offer her my bed if she wants it, and she says she doesn't mind sharing a bed with me. So, lying in bed she states openly that she's attracted to me, I knew that she was attracted to me when she told me she was a stripper that just got out of jail. She's exactly the type of girl I attract. Normal, Sane girls are not attracted to me. It's like the criteria you must be THIS damaged to find me attractive. Well, nothing happened in that bed, She curled up on me and went to sleep, that's it. next morning we sat and talked for a bit, and she had to head home to change, shower and take her antibiotics, as she's currently getting over pneumonia. She also mentions that there are currently warrants out for her arrest for failure to appear for a court date, but she wants to come back for the Fireworks, since I have the best view in the city from my place. and that was the last I saw of her. She never ended up calling, I suspect she either
a) left and went to go buy some dope
b) Got arrested and is currently sitting in jail.
This is my life, this is how it works. And last night I get a phonecall from my brother, Now, my bother CJ is a redneck, I mean he runs a Towing company, listens to country music, and Drives a Dodge pickup with a 14 inch lift and 40 inch mud tires and Yes it has a CB radio. No, I'm not joking. This is a guy who grew up in Boston. IN the city, and somehow he turned into a Redneck anyway. Well, back to the phonecall. He asks me what I'm doing on Monday Night I tell him I'm probably doing the same thing I do every Monday, why? Evidentally he now wants to try to hook me up with one of his friends. This is a Mind-numbingly BAD idea. Redneck, White Trash girl meets Armored, angry Thug. She's a little bit country and I'm alot punk fuckin Rock. But, against my better judgement, I agree anyway. I was never good with listening to the voice of reason. Espescially since the fact of the matter is that I'm just fucking Lonely, so I figure I'll meet this girl, and if there's something there.....well, it's better than being alone. And So, that's where we are now. I'll likely post tomorrow with the results of tonight's excursion.
Shane and I decide that if this girl is some scary skank psycho, we're staying in the truck with the engine running so that we can get out of there in a hurry.
And so we wait....the street is basically deserted, if my life were a movie this would have been a setup and I would barely survive the ambush. But seeing as my life is very seldom a movie, a few moments pass, and into the streetlights walks a girl. At, first look I know 2 things. 1) This is Andrea
2) I have never met this person before.
She's 5'1" probably 105lbs, Blonde hair down to about her shoulders in Faded Blue Buttonfly Hiphuggers and a Black Halter with a lace up front. This girl is you run of the mill Top 40 Pop culture type. Normally Girls like this look at a guy like me. 6'2" Bald with a goatee and my Big Black Boots and Bad Attitude, and they either
A) avoid me like the plague
B) make some snarky comment that would likely get their teeth knocked out if I were capable of hitting a woman in anger.
So she looks around, she's obviously looking for someone, she wanders over to the truck and asks if she can borrow a cellphone. I hand her the nextel and as she flips it open, I rattle off the number of my cellphone. She begins to think that it's some kind of practical joke by the guy she thought she was calling and that he was in the backseat of the truck. Turns out, she had met this guy at a bar, they hit it off, and he gave her a phony phone number. But, regardless of this she gets into the truck and we talk for a bit. She seems like an ok kid, we make introductions, and we decide to go back to my place and have a few drinks. We get back, pull up chairs in my kitchen and open a bottle of scotch . We sit and talk, and she's starting to seem like there's something she's not telling us. We get to talking about things, our pasts, what we do etc. What does she do for a living....yeah here it comes.....shoulda seen it coming........
She's a stripper, yup, after all this is ME we're talking about. Well, there's more to the story....the stripper thing doesn't phase me. Then she mentions that she just got out of jail. For what, she says something about a few warrants for driving without a license. Ok that's not too bad. Then she mentions, matter of factly, Heroin posession. Yep, so, a girl gets the wrong number, meets me, and what does she turn out to be, but a Stripper on Heroin. This is how my life works. She mentions that she's actually trying to kick Heroin. And things are going well, Shane Bails because he has to meet his girlfriend for lunch and needs some sleep. Leaving me alone in my house with Andrea the Junkie Stripper. Long Story short, she's a Good kid. Misguided? Yes. She's made some bad decisions. But she comes from a good family. And she has genuine remorse for what she's done. Well, She decides that she needs some sleep so I offer to show her to a bedroom. She asks if I'm going to be up there, I say yes since all the bedrooms are on the same level, I offer her my bed if she wants it, and she says she doesn't mind sharing a bed with me. So, lying in bed she states openly that she's attracted to me, I knew that she was attracted to me when she told me she was a stripper that just got out of jail. She's exactly the type of girl I attract. Normal, Sane girls are not attracted to me. It's like the criteria you must be THIS damaged to find me attractive. Well, nothing happened in that bed, She curled up on me and went to sleep, that's it. next morning we sat and talked for a bit, and she had to head home to change, shower and take her antibiotics, as she's currently getting over pneumonia. She also mentions that there are currently warrants out for her arrest for failure to appear for a court date, but she wants to come back for the Fireworks, since I have the best view in the city from my place. and that was the last I saw of her. She never ended up calling, I suspect she either
a) left and went to go buy some dope
b) Got arrested and is currently sitting in jail.
This is my life, this is how it works. And last night I get a phonecall from my brother, Now, my bother CJ is a redneck, I mean he runs a Towing company, listens to country music, and Drives a Dodge pickup with a 14 inch lift and 40 inch mud tires and Yes it has a CB radio. No, I'm not joking. This is a guy who grew up in Boston. IN the city, and somehow he turned into a Redneck anyway. Well, back to the phonecall. He asks me what I'm doing on Monday Night I tell him I'm probably doing the same thing I do every Monday, why? Evidentally he now wants to try to hook me up with one of his friends. This is a Mind-numbingly BAD idea. Redneck, White Trash girl meets Armored, angry Thug. She's a little bit country and I'm alot punk fuckin Rock. But, against my better judgement, I agree anyway. I was never good with listening to the voice of reason. Espescially since the fact of the matter is that I'm just fucking Lonely, so I figure I'll meet this girl, and if there's something there.....well, it's better than being alone. And So, that's where we are now. I'll likely post tomorrow with the results of tonight's excursion.
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crackheads piss me off....