I've had an interesting life epiphany as of late.
Since I moved to SF, I've done nothing but make compromises. Most of them were just the usual 'how to live together without killing one another' sort. But a few of them were the sort where I had to lay aside certain ideals of who I really believe I am.
I was on the phone with an ex, who is also one of my best friends, who I also have claimed to be head over heels in love with for quite some time, the other night, and she's trying to give me relationship advice... this coming from someone who, in my opinion, seems to seek validation by dating someone new on almost a monthly basis. Ten years ago, I would have been disgusted by someone like that, and today, I find myself fawning over her every action. I realized this... and I just started laughing to myself. I thought, "What the fuck am I doing?" I've been investing my emotional security into people who really aren't worth the effort or energy in hopes that they might change, realize how much I care about them, and magically come running to me. That's seriously the most idiotic thing I think I could ever do. So, with that being said, I've decided to stop making compromises altogether, when it comes to my ideals, my beliefs.
I'll admit, I'm an idealist. I'm also a bit of an elitist, too. I look only for quality people, worth knowing, worth investing time into. Now, honestly, ANYONE can be worthwhile to the right person/people. With me, I look for people who enrich my life, who make me happy to get out of bed in the morning, people who compliment my own traits and skills and merits, but who also help me correct my faults and flaws. I believe that in SF, I know only a handful of people who I consider valuable to me in those ways.
As superficial as that may sound, finding value in another person can be as simple as having someone to talk to in a social setting (I know a few people who I value like this), and just because there hasn't been a chance to find further value in someone beyond that, it doesn't mean that a higher level of value doesn't exist.
On the flip-side, there are tons of people who I find worthless to me. Usually not because of any malicious feeling I have toward them, instead they've usually either caused me a great deal of turmoil or because they and I haven't yet created any sort of connection, however minor that it may be. With me, everyone starts at zero. It's up to them to determine which direction our relationship goes, positive or negative.
In relation to this girl I'm talking about, who I had this epiphany while talking to... the relationship becomes complex, especially when you're trying to simplify it to something as basic as a sort of number-line. What I have to decide is whether such a complicated situation is really valuable to my life as a whole and in the long run, and if it should be toned down, then take the necessary action to do so.
So. Other rules that I'm reinstating:
1. Do not date anyone you don't find attractive (physically, intellectually, etc, everything.)
2. Do not date anyone you couldn't see yourself in a long term relationship with.
3. Do not sleep with someone on the first date (or the second or third, wait a month, let the chemistry build, make sure you're not just doing it for the hell of it. I know in our sexually empowered culture, sex is considered a sport almost, but not to me, I still think it should be some sort of special bond)
4. NEVER SETTLE. If you do, you're lying to both the other person and yourself.
5. Always show confidence in your actions, whether in work, school, relationships, anything.
6. Always be the better person, but never give more than you're willing to lose.
7. Never take no for an answer.
8. Always strive to be better.
9. Always attempt to be constructive, in any situation. Unless the point is to be destructive, then be constructive in doing so.
10. Always trust your instincts (with situations and with other people, they're usually correct).
Ok, by the sound of the Tuesday air raid siren, it's time to go clean the apartment.
-Wm.
Since I moved to SF, I've done nothing but make compromises. Most of them were just the usual 'how to live together without killing one another' sort. But a few of them were the sort where I had to lay aside certain ideals of who I really believe I am.
I was on the phone with an ex, who is also one of my best friends, who I also have claimed to be head over heels in love with for quite some time, the other night, and she's trying to give me relationship advice... this coming from someone who, in my opinion, seems to seek validation by dating someone new on almost a monthly basis. Ten years ago, I would have been disgusted by someone like that, and today, I find myself fawning over her every action. I realized this... and I just started laughing to myself. I thought, "What the fuck am I doing?" I've been investing my emotional security into people who really aren't worth the effort or energy in hopes that they might change, realize how much I care about them, and magically come running to me. That's seriously the most idiotic thing I think I could ever do. So, with that being said, I've decided to stop making compromises altogether, when it comes to my ideals, my beliefs.
I'll admit, I'm an idealist. I'm also a bit of an elitist, too. I look only for quality people, worth knowing, worth investing time into. Now, honestly, ANYONE can be worthwhile to the right person/people. With me, I look for people who enrich my life, who make me happy to get out of bed in the morning, people who compliment my own traits and skills and merits, but who also help me correct my faults and flaws. I believe that in SF, I know only a handful of people who I consider valuable to me in those ways.
As superficial as that may sound, finding value in another person can be as simple as having someone to talk to in a social setting (I know a few people who I value like this), and just because there hasn't been a chance to find further value in someone beyond that, it doesn't mean that a higher level of value doesn't exist.
On the flip-side, there are tons of people who I find worthless to me. Usually not because of any malicious feeling I have toward them, instead they've usually either caused me a great deal of turmoil or because they and I haven't yet created any sort of connection, however minor that it may be. With me, everyone starts at zero. It's up to them to determine which direction our relationship goes, positive or negative.
In relation to this girl I'm talking about, who I had this epiphany while talking to... the relationship becomes complex, especially when you're trying to simplify it to something as basic as a sort of number-line. What I have to decide is whether such a complicated situation is really valuable to my life as a whole and in the long run, and if it should be toned down, then take the necessary action to do so.
So. Other rules that I'm reinstating:
1. Do not date anyone you don't find attractive (physically, intellectually, etc, everything.)
2. Do not date anyone you couldn't see yourself in a long term relationship with.
3. Do not sleep with someone on the first date (or the second or third, wait a month, let the chemistry build, make sure you're not just doing it for the hell of it. I know in our sexually empowered culture, sex is considered a sport almost, but not to me, I still think it should be some sort of special bond)
4. NEVER SETTLE. If you do, you're lying to both the other person and yourself.
5. Always show confidence in your actions, whether in work, school, relationships, anything.
6. Always be the better person, but never give more than you're willing to lose.
7. Never take no for an answer.
8. Always strive to be better.
9. Always attempt to be constructive, in any situation. Unless the point is to be destructive, then be constructive in doing so.
10. Always trust your instincts (with situations and with other people, they're usually correct).
Ok, by the sound of the Tuesday air raid siren, it's time to go clean the apartment.
-Wm.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
scarlaa:
They play those vids at industrial nights (don't ask me why) and I never know what's going on in any of them. I'm going to have to check this out.
scarlaa:
Being sick sucks! I hope you feel better soon.