Insomnia.
I'm laying here again... 'staring at the ceiling' as i usually put it, but tonight i'm not dwelling on the fact that i'm single for once. i don't know why i can't sleep, only that i'm laying here and i'm not terribly tired.
i've been questioning my place in life lately. am i going to school for what i really want to be doing? should i reevaluate my priorities? hell, should i move back east, back to my home town, and try to rebuild some sort of life around people and things that i am familiar with?
i've been in San Francisco for nearly 4 years. i lived in Oklahoma for 10 years, and then Indiana for 8 (not counting when i was an infant) but those were split as 5 and 3 with the year i spent in Memphis between them. since i moved out here, i've gone through all sorts of changes, many of which i'd assume were 'normal'. i've had relationships, i've met wonderful and terrible people (some were both). the thing that bothers me is that the three years back home before i started school out here where all about me chasing my passions and filling my time with friends and family. the four years i've been in San Francisco has been a cluster fuck of scraping together my attention and energy to accomplish SOMETHING and an everyday atmosphere of 'business as usual'. is this really the way it's supposed to be? or am i still trying to find something to really take hold of me and let me achieve my purpose?
I haven't touched music in over a year. i'm realizing that i'm not all that interested in 'fashion', but more in materials and product design, some including apparel, sure.
tonight, i spent an hour or so looking at designs and floor plans for these ultra efficient houses. now, i'm not saying that i'm going to jump back into architecture. i honestly dont think i'm as interested in it as i am with industrial design or product design specifically, but i think i have a passion for it. or at least from a problem solving aspect. hell, i think a big part of it is that someday, i'd like to build a house. one that's for me, for my family...
which comes to the biggest realization of the evening...
why am i lonely? why am i so frustrated and overwhelmed by everything?
i think i'm just looking for a place to call 'Home'.
-Wm.
I'm laying here again... 'staring at the ceiling' as i usually put it, but tonight i'm not dwelling on the fact that i'm single for once. i don't know why i can't sleep, only that i'm laying here and i'm not terribly tired.
i've been questioning my place in life lately. am i going to school for what i really want to be doing? should i reevaluate my priorities? hell, should i move back east, back to my home town, and try to rebuild some sort of life around people and things that i am familiar with?
i've been in San Francisco for nearly 4 years. i lived in Oklahoma for 10 years, and then Indiana for 8 (not counting when i was an infant) but those were split as 5 and 3 with the year i spent in Memphis between them. since i moved out here, i've gone through all sorts of changes, many of which i'd assume were 'normal'. i've had relationships, i've met wonderful and terrible people (some were both). the thing that bothers me is that the three years back home before i started school out here where all about me chasing my passions and filling my time with friends and family. the four years i've been in San Francisco has been a cluster fuck of scraping together my attention and energy to accomplish SOMETHING and an everyday atmosphere of 'business as usual'. is this really the way it's supposed to be? or am i still trying to find something to really take hold of me and let me achieve my purpose?
I haven't touched music in over a year. i'm realizing that i'm not all that interested in 'fashion', but more in materials and product design, some including apparel, sure.
tonight, i spent an hour or so looking at designs and floor plans for these ultra efficient houses. now, i'm not saying that i'm going to jump back into architecture. i honestly dont think i'm as interested in it as i am with industrial design or product design specifically, but i think i have a passion for it. or at least from a problem solving aspect. hell, i think a big part of it is that someday, i'd like to build a house. one that's for me, for my family...
which comes to the biggest realization of the evening...
why am i lonely? why am i so frustrated and overwhelmed by everything?
i think i'm just looking for a place to call 'Home'.
-Wm.