The Ritual.
As i stated briefly before, there have been a lot of things on my mind (therefore, this will probably be a rather long post).
it's now 2008. I've been living in SF for nearly four years. I've still got a year left of school, and hopefully i can acquire the finance to afford it *crosses fingers*. Only in this semester have i yet learned the things that i came out here to learn from my design instructors. personally, i think it's a method thing, and right now, my instructor know what i want to learn and why and understands how to teach it to me. i'm rather satisfied about it.
romantically, i'm as lonely and single as ever. i will admit, i have the occasional sleeping companion, which sometimes leads to a physical interaction, but honestly, i dont try or want to cross the line with anyone into the realm of something more than friends. i dont have time for a steady girlfriend with my current workload. and sure i whine about not having someone, but in a year and some change, i'll be finished with what i consider the 'kid stuff' of my life (principle education and whatnot, though a MA or a few different internships would be interesting to pursue). when i'm done with these building block items, then i'll be in a much better place to rediscover myself and be more honest on a relationship basis, and much less preoccupied with my education or career.
i've been reading more over the last few months. i picked up the Saul Williams poetry book, 'The Dead EmCee Scrolls' a few weeks ago. yes, i'll admit, i've got a slight obsession with his work as of late, due to the new record coming out and him going on tour this next month (he's playing at Slim's here in SF two days before my brithday, i've got tickets, woot). Due to the political nature of a lot of his work and some other artists work (Trent Reznor, for instance) as well as the current political climate with the upcoming elections, i've been listening and understanding more about issues, and how people are responding to them, and it's allowing me to discover who i am on a social level and how i view our country (i'm assuming you're a US Citizen
).
These political realizations have allowed me to discover things about myself that i wasnt aware of. Generally, i think of these sorts of things as 'things you never realized that you were into'. For instance: Robots. i think robots are freakin' sweet. a few years ago, i met someone who, through conversation and art and whatnot, i realized that i thought they were really freakin' sweet, but not only that, i had ALWAYS thought they were freakin' sweet, i just wasnt aware of it because it was part of who i am. just like my obsession of Batman. these are things that define me. anyway, the point is that i've become aware of certain political ideas that i've always been in support in, and they actually resonate to me on a very personal level, such as character and pride and integrity.
for those who dont know, i believe that character is the most important thing you can protect about one's self. this is one reason why i dont drink or do drugs or what not, aside from the health factors. i believe that every single person should hold themselves responsible for their actions and their place in life. if you have a shitty job, then bust your ass and find a better one, or improve your resume, or work on your interview skills. it's YOUR life, take control of it and dont make excuses. find a job that pays enough to support you and a family (if you want one), live within your means, pay your own bills and dont expect the government to do it for you. i'll admit that my beliefs dont work for everyone, and yes, in a PERFECT world, they sound like a great idea, but we're not in a perfect world and shit happens. that's fine. i just think we should all work towards this sort of goal, for ourselves, each person individually.
this also spills over into my idea of children someday. i make it no secret that i look forward to having kids, but they'd have to be with the right person, and under the right conditions. my main goals before reproducing follow along the career lines: i want to be able to support myself and a family, but also be able to be home as much as my children are. when they're in grade school, i want to pick them up from school, go home, and then go over what they learned in school and expand on it. i want my kids to get perfect test scores, not because it makes them or me look good, but because it's just necessary at this point in the world. and i dont trust the educational systems in this country (which is why i want to expand on what my children will learn). i want to be active in their lives. i want to be everything for them that my parents werent for me. i want to pay for their college, and then be able to let them have the very best start i could possibly provide. but hey, who knows? maybe i'll never reproduce. regardless, i look forward to it when and if i do. i want to be a great father, teacher, and friend to them.
as i stated in the preceding post, i've been re-examining the concept of spirituality lately (mainly due to my psychology class i'm taking). i still dont believe in something as ridiculous as a higher intelligent power, but i'm starting to respect the concept of life and the connection that all living things have, or at least my connection to this planet. i'm also starting to understand the underlying psychology and chemistry between us as humans. like looking out and understanding how we interact and respond and why we do the things we do. personally, i dont need the myths or legends, i just want a code of ethics and an interpersonal etiquette. for a few years, i've been aware of the concept of 'power', and i've fought it most of the time, and in a few selfish acts, i used my understanding of power mechanics to leverage my desires to reach fruition. Question: does it make me a bad person to use such knowledge to accomplish my personal goals? i think it tip toes the line. anyway, i'm beginning to understand the deeply ingrained ritualistic aspects of human culture, such as sex. sex is the most intimate and religious experience that humans undertake, and it's been ritualized over history by different cultures in different ways. i'm deciding that i'd like to have my own take on it... build my own setting and ritual. the bedroom, as a place of undergoing intercourse, should be treated as a temple, and in many cases it is. as a designer of things like architecture, i think that a separate setting should exist for sleeping and a separate setting should exist for fucking. the latter would have to be much more planned out and developed to heighten the experience, to assist in sending the people to a setting of intimacy and helping them both reach climax. help them reach a 'numinous' experience.
in the end, i've been undergoing a lot of internal dialogue, trying to really find what's inside of my being. i hate sounding like a fuckin' hippie, but really i believe we all should celebrate each other. Celebrate ourselves, celebrate our children, celebrate our friends, our parents, our acquaintances. Celebrate our differences, celebrate our similarities. We are an interesting species, where we have some level of higher consciousness, where we recognize that we're even thinking at all.
on a different note: i'm really proud to be who i am and from the country i'm from. the last few years, hell, the last century, we as americans have done some pretty fucked up stuff in regards to the rest of the world. personally, i believe that the core values that this country was founded on have been lost. or at least the intended concepts. i support these concepts. and i believe that more and more people of my generation are starting to share this opinion. our parent's generation is really fucking us over, and i think we're about to get seriously pissed about it. it's not about money and power anymore. it's about bettering every aspect of our lives and those around us. we dont want to 'spread democracy' (funny, the United States is a Republic, not a democracy). most of us would probably be alright with being more isolationary in regards to world politics. we need to quit telling other countries what to do, and work on building a better economy over here, better education, better standards of living. if we took all of the finance that's invested in foreign interests and redirected it at social improvement, there's not limit to what we could achieve, and after that, we could set an example and let other countries follow our lead, but under no circumstances should we solicit our way of life. if someone else wants to mimic it, then awesome, they can take from us what works for their culture, but we should in no way dictate how anyone else should live or think.
i am proud of who i am, of where i'm from, but i'm fucking pissed about what other people are doing in my name. i swear to fucking god, your days are numbered. there will be a reclamation. we will take this country back, and there will be some serious shit hitting the fan.
anyway, those are a bunch of things on my mind lately. i could probably go into more depth on things, but i'll save that for conversations between myself and other individuals. i hope everyone is well. and i'm glad i took the time tonight to type this up, it's made me feel a lot better. feel free to comment or share your thoughts.
As i stated briefly before, there have been a lot of things on my mind (therefore, this will probably be a rather long post).
it's now 2008. I've been living in SF for nearly four years. I've still got a year left of school, and hopefully i can acquire the finance to afford it *crosses fingers*. Only in this semester have i yet learned the things that i came out here to learn from my design instructors. personally, i think it's a method thing, and right now, my instructor know what i want to learn and why and understands how to teach it to me. i'm rather satisfied about it.
romantically, i'm as lonely and single as ever. i will admit, i have the occasional sleeping companion, which sometimes leads to a physical interaction, but honestly, i dont try or want to cross the line with anyone into the realm of something more than friends. i dont have time for a steady girlfriend with my current workload. and sure i whine about not having someone, but in a year and some change, i'll be finished with what i consider the 'kid stuff' of my life (principle education and whatnot, though a MA or a few different internships would be interesting to pursue). when i'm done with these building block items, then i'll be in a much better place to rediscover myself and be more honest on a relationship basis, and much less preoccupied with my education or career.
i've been reading more over the last few months. i picked up the Saul Williams poetry book, 'The Dead EmCee Scrolls' a few weeks ago. yes, i'll admit, i've got a slight obsession with his work as of late, due to the new record coming out and him going on tour this next month (he's playing at Slim's here in SF two days before my brithday, i've got tickets, woot). Due to the political nature of a lot of his work and some other artists work (Trent Reznor, for instance) as well as the current political climate with the upcoming elections, i've been listening and understanding more about issues, and how people are responding to them, and it's allowing me to discover who i am on a social level and how i view our country (i'm assuming you're a US Citizen
).
These political realizations have allowed me to discover things about myself that i wasnt aware of. Generally, i think of these sorts of things as 'things you never realized that you were into'. For instance: Robots. i think robots are freakin' sweet. a few years ago, i met someone who, through conversation and art and whatnot, i realized that i thought they were really freakin' sweet, but not only that, i had ALWAYS thought they were freakin' sweet, i just wasnt aware of it because it was part of who i am. just like my obsession of Batman. these are things that define me. anyway, the point is that i've become aware of certain political ideas that i've always been in support in, and they actually resonate to me on a very personal level, such as character and pride and integrity.
for those who dont know, i believe that character is the most important thing you can protect about one's self. this is one reason why i dont drink or do drugs or what not, aside from the health factors. i believe that every single person should hold themselves responsible for their actions and their place in life. if you have a shitty job, then bust your ass and find a better one, or improve your resume, or work on your interview skills. it's YOUR life, take control of it and dont make excuses. find a job that pays enough to support you and a family (if you want one), live within your means, pay your own bills and dont expect the government to do it for you. i'll admit that my beliefs dont work for everyone, and yes, in a PERFECT world, they sound like a great idea, but we're not in a perfect world and shit happens. that's fine. i just think we should all work towards this sort of goal, for ourselves, each person individually.
this also spills over into my idea of children someday. i make it no secret that i look forward to having kids, but they'd have to be with the right person, and under the right conditions. my main goals before reproducing follow along the career lines: i want to be able to support myself and a family, but also be able to be home as much as my children are. when they're in grade school, i want to pick them up from school, go home, and then go over what they learned in school and expand on it. i want my kids to get perfect test scores, not because it makes them or me look good, but because it's just necessary at this point in the world. and i dont trust the educational systems in this country (which is why i want to expand on what my children will learn). i want to be active in their lives. i want to be everything for them that my parents werent for me. i want to pay for their college, and then be able to let them have the very best start i could possibly provide. but hey, who knows? maybe i'll never reproduce. regardless, i look forward to it when and if i do. i want to be a great father, teacher, and friend to them.
as i stated in the preceding post, i've been re-examining the concept of spirituality lately (mainly due to my psychology class i'm taking). i still dont believe in something as ridiculous as a higher intelligent power, but i'm starting to respect the concept of life and the connection that all living things have, or at least my connection to this planet. i'm also starting to understand the underlying psychology and chemistry between us as humans. like looking out and understanding how we interact and respond and why we do the things we do. personally, i dont need the myths or legends, i just want a code of ethics and an interpersonal etiquette. for a few years, i've been aware of the concept of 'power', and i've fought it most of the time, and in a few selfish acts, i used my understanding of power mechanics to leverage my desires to reach fruition. Question: does it make me a bad person to use such knowledge to accomplish my personal goals? i think it tip toes the line. anyway, i'm beginning to understand the deeply ingrained ritualistic aspects of human culture, such as sex. sex is the most intimate and religious experience that humans undertake, and it's been ritualized over history by different cultures in different ways. i'm deciding that i'd like to have my own take on it... build my own setting and ritual. the bedroom, as a place of undergoing intercourse, should be treated as a temple, and in many cases it is. as a designer of things like architecture, i think that a separate setting should exist for sleeping and a separate setting should exist for fucking. the latter would have to be much more planned out and developed to heighten the experience, to assist in sending the people to a setting of intimacy and helping them both reach climax. help them reach a 'numinous' experience.
in the end, i've been undergoing a lot of internal dialogue, trying to really find what's inside of my being. i hate sounding like a fuckin' hippie, but really i believe we all should celebrate each other. Celebrate ourselves, celebrate our children, celebrate our friends, our parents, our acquaintances. Celebrate our differences, celebrate our similarities. We are an interesting species, where we have some level of higher consciousness, where we recognize that we're even thinking at all.
on a different note: i'm really proud to be who i am and from the country i'm from. the last few years, hell, the last century, we as americans have done some pretty fucked up stuff in regards to the rest of the world. personally, i believe that the core values that this country was founded on have been lost. or at least the intended concepts. i support these concepts. and i believe that more and more people of my generation are starting to share this opinion. our parent's generation is really fucking us over, and i think we're about to get seriously pissed about it. it's not about money and power anymore. it's about bettering every aspect of our lives and those around us. we dont want to 'spread democracy' (funny, the United States is a Republic, not a democracy). most of us would probably be alright with being more isolationary in regards to world politics. we need to quit telling other countries what to do, and work on building a better economy over here, better education, better standards of living. if we took all of the finance that's invested in foreign interests and redirected it at social improvement, there's not limit to what we could achieve, and after that, we could set an example and let other countries follow our lead, but under no circumstances should we solicit our way of life. if someone else wants to mimic it, then awesome, they can take from us what works for their culture, but we should in no way dictate how anyone else should live or think.
i am proud of who i am, of where i'm from, but i'm fucking pissed about what other people are doing in my name. i swear to fucking god, your days are numbered. there will be a reclamation. we will take this country back, and there will be some serious shit hitting the fan.
anyway, those are a bunch of things on my mind lately. i could probably go into more depth on things, but i'll save that for conversations between myself and other individuals. i hope everyone is well. and i'm glad i took the time tonight to type this up, it's made me feel a lot better. feel free to comment or share your thoughts.