*ahem*
this is a post that i'm doig because i'm having revelations about myself. yes, i know who i am, maybe for the first time ever, and no, *you*, whoever you are, dont know who i AM any more than i DID, simply stated. anymore, i dont like people. i dont like people in general, or in particular, both apply. i hide behind this screen everyday, talking to all of you other internet patrons because in my tiny little mind, you arent REAL. you're an interact part of this vast video game called the internet. it's like playing The Sims for days on end, or Everquest even. now, i'm realizing reasons for this. one very big one is that you CANT hurt me (emotionally/psychologically). if you try, i delete your name and block your messages and you disappear, safely removed from my consciousness, and removed from anything involving me. yes, i hide because i'm afraid. when i'm ut in this so called 'real-world', all that i ever really experience is embarassment, confusion, regret, and just general sadness. friends taunt and abuse me, is that what you really DO if you're a friend?! members of the opposite sex arent mentally attracted to me. they think i'm nice to look at from a distance and once i open my mouth, it all goes down hill. i'm not attracted to members of the same sex for anything other than intelligent conersation, and then in the end, they usually stab me in the back, because i'm an easy target, or so i'm told. here, i'm safe. here, i have an endless number of ficticious characters to keep me company and interact with.
this self imposed exile is alot easier to deal with than suicide. besides, i dont want to die. i want to be happy. and right now, this feels like this is as close as i'm going to come to happiness for a while.
and we're all characters. mine is the doormat. it's oh so very nice to meet you.
this is a post that i'm doig because i'm having revelations about myself. yes, i know who i am, maybe for the first time ever, and no, *you*, whoever you are, dont know who i AM any more than i DID, simply stated. anymore, i dont like people. i dont like people in general, or in particular, both apply. i hide behind this screen everyday, talking to all of you other internet patrons because in my tiny little mind, you arent REAL. you're an interact part of this vast video game called the internet. it's like playing The Sims for days on end, or Everquest even. now, i'm realizing reasons for this. one very big one is that you CANT hurt me (emotionally/psychologically). if you try, i delete your name and block your messages and you disappear, safely removed from my consciousness, and removed from anything involving me. yes, i hide because i'm afraid. when i'm ut in this so called 'real-world', all that i ever really experience is embarassment, confusion, regret, and just general sadness. friends taunt and abuse me, is that what you really DO if you're a friend?! members of the opposite sex arent mentally attracted to me. they think i'm nice to look at from a distance and once i open my mouth, it all goes down hill. i'm not attracted to members of the same sex for anything other than intelligent conersation, and then in the end, they usually stab me in the back, because i'm an easy target, or so i'm told. here, i'm safe. here, i have an endless number of ficticious characters to keep me company and interact with.
this self imposed exile is alot easier to deal with than suicide. besides, i dont want to die. i want to be happy. and right now, this feels like this is as close as i'm going to come to happiness for a while.
and we're all characters. mine is the doormat. it's oh so very nice to meet you.