Sex with sex workers Vs sex with the a loved one.
There are two key factors here. The first is intimacy. The second is the actual physical act.
As far as intimacy is concerned, sex has rarely been the time when I have felt closest to my partner anyway. And that might have something to do with why we have been very successful when we have seen so many other couples bust up. We are friends first, and lovers second.
The times we feel closest is when we are discussing concepts and ideas (and this happens nearly every day). When we discuss what we both got out of a shared book or film or play or social event. When we realise time and time again, we are both on the same wavelength. In fact I have more often felt closer to her, after the sex, just lying in bed talking, rather than during the sex.
Now lets look at the physical:
What a sex worker is going to do, is fuck me with expertise. If I choose to interpret her adroitness and athleticism as expressions of intimacy, then more fool me. (As one sex worker once said to me to bring me back to earth: Gee Princkly, I was just doin me job.)
Are there sexual acts I could ask a sex worker to perform, but not ask my partner to perform? Dear God!: I have thought up sexual acts I could not ask a coked-up porn star to perform!
Seriously, what I love about a good sex worker is her confidence and leadership. She pushes me. She knows I want to go places and she pushes me there. Like a swimming instructor pushing the student in.
Example: (which also serves as a dirty bit) One of the most exciting sessions I have ever had was about a month ago with a sex worker who was expecting me, was naked for me when I entered the room, she grabbed me still clothed, commenced to rip my clothes off me, and it just went on and on. The language, the suggestions, the demands, the allowances, the roughness, the tenderness; it was utterly overwhelming and in my heart I will thank her till my dying day for what she did to me that morning. For showing me what was possible. For making me feel the most desirable man in the world for the hour I was with her.
I have to admit, I would never have experienced that with my partner. She would not have the sexual self-confidence to be so fearlessly unselfconscious about her appearance and her behaviour. To feel irresistibly sexy; to use a dildo on herself with horny enthusiasm; to hungrily drag me round the bed; to grab a fistful of hair and angrily demand cock. (Yikes! Im getting worked up again just thinking about what she did that morning).
Id encourage it with my partner certainly, but it would be laughed off and in a very delightful gutsy way, with a good deal of good humour, I must add. But with all the encouragement in the world she would never go where the above sex worker went. Conversely, I didnt spoon with this sex worker afterwards and snuggle for an hour talking about shared personal things.
Forgive me, it is a simple analogy I know; but whats the difference between a home cooked meal and going to a five star restaurant? The home cooked meal is predictable but tasty and warming because it is cooked with love, and of course it doesnt come with a bill. But the tastes and sensations and presentation of an expensive meal cooked by a gourmet chef served in a unique ambience is something else! And something we should all experience once in a while.
Having said that, it is also worth remembering that the physical rewards of having sex with sex worker can be inconsistent. Just like restaurants, there are no guarantees. There are some sex worker who are as dull as watching paint dry, and others who elevate you to an experience of sublime sensuality that you did not think was possible. (Extraordinary as it is, they usually charge the same price.)
I go to see a sex worker for good sex delivered by (hopefully) an expert. I do not believe that sex is the ultimate means of communicating the deepest feelings two people have for each other. There are times it will turn out that way, but you cannot contrive it, and it is nave to expect it every time you bonk. Moments of real intimate depth often creep on you unexpectedly and that could just as easily be in another set of circumstances.
If true intimacy could only be obtained through sex, or if sex was a guarantee of intimacy, I would not be seeing a sex worker. I could not begin to imagine the complications of feeling intimately close to every sex worker I see.
The degree of intimacy between my partner and I is very different to the degree of intimacy I feel with a sex worker. And I am quite sure the sex worker feels the same. At the end of the day, she might well go home to real intimacy with a loved one (I hope she does).
However, what I often feel with a sex worker is closeness to another human. I dont know her name, I dont know her private circumstances, yet I feel very close to her. Two humans who are anonymous to each other are curled up together tenderly stroking each other.
I think there is something very pure and unadulterated in that. In ironic contrast to the puritans who would disdain the client/sex worker relationship, perhaps this tender gentle expression between two strangers is closer to God than all their self-righteous, god-bothering prayers.
There are two key factors here. The first is intimacy. The second is the actual physical act.
As far as intimacy is concerned, sex has rarely been the time when I have felt closest to my partner anyway. And that might have something to do with why we have been very successful when we have seen so many other couples bust up. We are friends first, and lovers second.
The times we feel closest is when we are discussing concepts and ideas (and this happens nearly every day). When we discuss what we both got out of a shared book or film or play or social event. When we realise time and time again, we are both on the same wavelength. In fact I have more often felt closer to her, after the sex, just lying in bed talking, rather than during the sex.
Now lets look at the physical:
What a sex worker is going to do, is fuck me with expertise. If I choose to interpret her adroitness and athleticism as expressions of intimacy, then more fool me. (As one sex worker once said to me to bring me back to earth: Gee Princkly, I was just doin me job.)
Are there sexual acts I could ask a sex worker to perform, but not ask my partner to perform? Dear God!: I have thought up sexual acts I could not ask a coked-up porn star to perform!
Seriously, what I love about a good sex worker is her confidence and leadership. She pushes me. She knows I want to go places and she pushes me there. Like a swimming instructor pushing the student in.
Example: (which also serves as a dirty bit) One of the most exciting sessions I have ever had was about a month ago with a sex worker who was expecting me, was naked for me when I entered the room, she grabbed me still clothed, commenced to rip my clothes off me, and it just went on and on. The language, the suggestions, the demands, the allowances, the roughness, the tenderness; it was utterly overwhelming and in my heart I will thank her till my dying day for what she did to me that morning. For showing me what was possible. For making me feel the most desirable man in the world for the hour I was with her.
I have to admit, I would never have experienced that with my partner. She would not have the sexual self-confidence to be so fearlessly unselfconscious about her appearance and her behaviour. To feel irresistibly sexy; to use a dildo on herself with horny enthusiasm; to hungrily drag me round the bed; to grab a fistful of hair and angrily demand cock. (Yikes! Im getting worked up again just thinking about what she did that morning).
Id encourage it with my partner certainly, but it would be laughed off and in a very delightful gutsy way, with a good deal of good humour, I must add. But with all the encouragement in the world she would never go where the above sex worker went. Conversely, I didnt spoon with this sex worker afterwards and snuggle for an hour talking about shared personal things.
Forgive me, it is a simple analogy I know; but whats the difference between a home cooked meal and going to a five star restaurant? The home cooked meal is predictable but tasty and warming because it is cooked with love, and of course it doesnt come with a bill. But the tastes and sensations and presentation of an expensive meal cooked by a gourmet chef served in a unique ambience is something else! And something we should all experience once in a while.
Having said that, it is also worth remembering that the physical rewards of having sex with sex worker can be inconsistent. Just like restaurants, there are no guarantees. There are some sex worker who are as dull as watching paint dry, and others who elevate you to an experience of sublime sensuality that you did not think was possible. (Extraordinary as it is, they usually charge the same price.)
I go to see a sex worker for good sex delivered by (hopefully) an expert. I do not believe that sex is the ultimate means of communicating the deepest feelings two people have for each other. There are times it will turn out that way, but you cannot contrive it, and it is nave to expect it every time you bonk. Moments of real intimate depth often creep on you unexpectedly and that could just as easily be in another set of circumstances.
If true intimacy could only be obtained through sex, or if sex was a guarantee of intimacy, I would not be seeing a sex worker. I could not begin to imagine the complications of feeling intimately close to every sex worker I see.
The degree of intimacy between my partner and I is very different to the degree of intimacy I feel with a sex worker. And I am quite sure the sex worker feels the same. At the end of the day, she might well go home to real intimacy with a loved one (I hope she does).
However, what I often feel with a sex worker is closeness to another human. I dont know her name, I dont know her private circumstances, yet I feel very close to her. Two humans who are anonymous to each other are curled up together tenderly stroking each other.
I think there is something very pure and unadulterated in that. In ironic contrast to the puritans who would disdain the client/sex worker relationship, perhaps this tender gentle expression between two strangers is closer to God than all their self-righteous, god-bothering prayers.
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Seriously, it might well mean you would have it all. But then there are many couples who are not marrried to sex workers and have such a splendid sex life they "have it all".
Conversely, I am sure there are many couples where one partner is a sex worker where she is giving knock-out service to clients but her home sex-life is lacklustre.
And of course there might well be sex-workers who go home and have dynamite sex with their partner.
Who knows?
It really depends on the couple. It has nothing to do with whether one of them is a sex worker or not.