lol, update
I have been busy the past 2 weeks, not in any sort of way that makes me feel like I have accomplished anything, but busy nevertheless. I turned 21 last monday so it's only natural that only 2 days later I nearly got arrested. Yeah, that's right, I nearly got arrested. The short version of the story is this: I went to this rat hole, pathetic excuse for a bar called Pounders for my friend Ryan's birthday with Nikkita, Carol, and Nikkita's new roommate who I just met that night Lindsey. I had been told by everyone who I was with that it was free drinks all night with admission, a deal reaffirmed by the DJ yelling it with the plastic exuberance only a man of his vocation can offer. The trouble started when Lindsey walked by a long tub, reached in and fished out a bottle. Intrigued, I investigated the contents of the tub assuming that since I had been told "FREE DRINKS ALL NIGHT WHOOO!!!!" that what ever was in the tub was fair game. There was no one at the tub (what I was later to learn was the "beer girl's" job), no signage out in front of it, and no where to put money. Inside the tub was a sign that was said "$2 bottles" but was upside down and therefore hard to read to say the least, and a bunch of shitty beer such as Heinicken, Bud light, and Tasteless Pisswater brand. The essential equation went like thus in my head: (Lindsey just took one and had one earlier + no one at the tub + signage thrown inside + beer that should no doubt be given away for free + no where to even put money) to the power of being fucking told that it was free drinks all night = I'm allowed to have one. It never occured to me I was stealing, not when the bouncer grabbed me, and not until the cop I was brought to outside had told me. In the vein of my promise to keep this relatively short, I'll give the rest of the highlights. One being that when I told the cop my reasoning he menacingly raised his voice, you know, as THEY do, and asked me," If I were steal the tires off your car would that be stealing?" To which I replied ,"Yes" but how I wanted to reply was, "If there was a DJ standing out in front of my car yelling 'free tires all night' and then you took my tires not understanding which tires were in fact free then I would understand." He continued to use cop logic, which is to say the authoritative version of a giant child plugging his ears, stamping his feet, and yelling "NO! YOU'RE WRONG!" This logic did not so much prove to be correct on me, but it turned out that little ol' Lindsey had lied to the cops about being of age, something I also didn't know until that moment. Kids, quick point: don't lie to the cops about your age, they have your records, especially if you've already been to jail you dumb fuck! Well, she got cuffed and after a search of my wallet for her fake ID (which didn't exist, she apparently got in the bar while the door man was hitting on Nikkita. I was told to leave, so Nikkita and I turned to go when the cop yelled across the parking lot for me to come back over. Not one to argue I obeyed politely as I had the entire time. That's when the head cop said he thought he should bring us both in, Lindsey for underage drinking, lying to the cops, etc, and myself for petty theft to make an example out of us. Up until this point I had been respectful and apologetic, but this had crossed the line, so I replied,"Excuse me sir, but that's completely rediculous." The cop got in my face again and once again I didn't back down, he asked me if I had a lawyer. I said I did, my father. The other, acne scarred cop asked me what law he practiced, to which I replied "Personal injury, commercial litigation, and others." He sarcastically asked,"Your dad's an ambulance chaser?" This is where I completely lost it, say what you want about me, make fun of my descision (which I still stand by as understandable), lump me in with the idiot child I was "caught" with, but do NOT insult my dad. I looked that fucker dead in the eye and I said with as much suppressed rage as I could handle, "No, my father is not an ambulance chaser." From the reaction out of both the cops I could tell they were pissed. I hadn't cussed, screamed, cried, begged, or anything else that would have given them satisfaction or justification for what they were doing to me, I had been respectful and dignified, the fact that I was able to get so angry and still keep a modicum of cool likely infurriated them to no end, so the head cop stepped closer and quickly read me my miranda rights. At the end he asked me if I wanted to speak to my lawyer, I said yes, I would like to call my dad. He said you can call him from jail and instructed that I sit on the curb. Furiously but controlled, I complied not saying another word and feeling that if I did that flames would erupt from my mouth. Nikkita sat down with me and asked them to turn off the car so we wouldn't get carbon monoxide poisoning. She lightly held my tensed left arm and attempted to calm me down. I was not afraid of going to jail at this point, part of me even wanted to go just so I could go toe to toe with the head cop in a countersuit against him and another against the bar. Naturally a couple of swords and an abandoned football field at dawn is my preferred method of retribution but I'm a realist here. Some time passed and it became obvious that the cop was all talk when he started looking for TPW's (tresspassing warrants) in his trunk. While he was looking and filling out the forms he tried to make conversation which I reluctantly participated and Nikkita charmed her way through. At one point she said to the head cop that she couldn't believe this was happening to me because I'm such an upright, honorable guy. I said to her that I appreciated it but that "I'm sure he'd never heard that one before." He looked down at us and said "Well, I believe her." which was likely more insult than compliment. At which point both cops felt it necessary and prudent to ask if we were dating to which I had to tell them that we had for 2.5 years and that we broke up and it was all my fault so they woudln't start asking anymore questions. The head cop with his utter lack of decoum and propriety said that I need to do what ever I can to get back with her. Thanks, as if this night isn't awkward and bad enough now I'm getting dating advice from roid rage Barney Rubble (to give you an idea of what he looked like). He then started asking me about my future plans, I started telling him about my cog psych thesis and he cuts me off and says I should put an end to rap music and video games. I roll my eyes with closed lids and let him spout his ignorance about desensitized youth and "scientific facts". What I wanted to say was, "Look, I'm all about science, in this area there are no facts, so shut up alright?" But instead Nikkita did a really great job of arguing against him, well, as long as he didn't interrupt her. Finally he gave me the TPW and said that it wouldn't be on any record but if I ever came back to Pounders I would be arrested. Like being suspended for skipping class, he was actually rewarding me with this sentence. He then let Lindsey out of the patrol car and sent us on our way.
In retrospect it's good things went as they did. I would hate to have to use what connections I have to get Pounders liquor license pulled again and have both those cops have to deal with as much shit as I possibly could muster. In all honesty I do understand why I was treated the way I was, they had probable cause, I was with someone who was lying and underage drinking, and I imagine that the calibur of patron they usually get at Pounders isn't all that high, such as drunken frat fucks trying their damndest to get what ever highschool bimbo who stole their older sister's ID drunk enough so that they might go have a lazy sweaty hump in a back alley. Though I understand, I'm still pissed, and wouldn't mind a legal shot at the lot of them, security, cops, and management. On the other hand, Nikkita was an absolute saint and I'll never be able to thank her enough for staying by me that night. She's a truly great person and if you would be so kind, anyone and everyone who reads this should tell her so. Thanks again buddy.
Oh, and by short story, I meant a shortened version of an even longer story. I'd be happy to fill in the details later.
So more has happened since then but it will be for another time.
Epic Donkey Kong Maneuver
I have been busy the past 2 weeks, not in any sort of way that makes me feel like I have accomplished anything, but busy nevertheless. I turned 21 last monday so it's only natural that only 2 days later I nearly got arrested. Yeah, that's right, I nearly got arrested. The short version of the story is this: I went to this rat hole, pathetic excuse for a bar called Pounders for my friend Ryan's birthday with Nikkita, Carol, and Nikkita's new roommate who I just met that night Lindsey. I had been told by everyone who I was with that it was free drinks all night with admission, a deal reaffirmed by the DJ yelling it with the plastic exuberance only a man of his vocation can offer. The trouble started when Lindsey walked by a long tub, reached in and fished out a bottle. Intrigued, I investigated the contents of the tub assuming that since I had been told "FREE DRINKS ALL NIGHT WHOOO!!!!" that what ever was in the tub was fair game. There was no one at the tub (what I was later to learn was the "beer girl's" job), no signage out in front of it, and no where to put money. Inside the tub was a sign that was said "$2 bottles" but was upside down and therefore hard to read to say the least, and a bunch of shitty beer such as Heinicken, Bud light, and Tasteless Pisswater brand. The essential equation went like thus in my head: (Lindsey just took one and had one earlier + no one at the tub + signage thrown inside + beer that should no doubt be given away for free + no where to even put money) to the power of being fucking told that it was free drinks all night = I'm allowed to have one. It never occured to me I was stealing, not when the bouncer grabbed me, and not until the cop I was brought to outside had told me. In the vein of my promise to keep this relatively short, I'll give the rest of the highlights. One being that when I told the cop my reasoning he menacingly raised his voice, you know, as THEY do, and asked me," If I were steal the tires off your car would that be stealing?" To which I replied ,"Yes" but how I wanted to reply was, "If there was a DJ standing out in front of my car yelling 'free tires all night' and then you took my tires not understanding which tires were in fact free then I would understand." He continued to use cop logic, which is to say the authoritative version of a giant child plugging his ears, stamping his feet, and yelling "NO! YOU'RE WRONG!" This logic did not so much prove to be correct on me, but it turned out that little ol' Lindsey had lied to the cops about being of age, something I also didn't know until that moment. Kids, quick point: don't lie to the cops about your age, they have your records, especially if you've already been to jail you dumb fuck! Well, she got cuffed and after a search of my wallet for her fake ID (which didn't exist, she apparently got in the bar while the door man was hitting on Nikkita. I was told to leave, so Nikkita and I turned to go when the cop yelled across the parking lot for me to come back over. Not one to argue I obeyed politely as I had the entire time. That's when the head cop said he thought he should bring us both in, Lindsey for underage drinking, lying to the cops, etc, and myself for petty theft to make an example out of us. Up until this point I had been respectful and apologetic, but this had crossed the line, so I replied,"Excuse me sir, but that's completely rediculous." The cop got in my face again and once again I didn't back down, he asked me if I had a lawyer. I said I did, my father. The other, acne scarred cop asked me what law he practiced, to which I replied "Personal injury, commercial litigation, and others." He sarcastically asked,"Your dad's an ambulance chaser?" This is where I completely lost it, say what you want about me, make fun of my descision (which I still stand by as understandable), lump me in with the idiot child I was "caught" with, but do NOT insult my dad. I looked that fucker dead in the eye and I said with as much suppressed rage as I could handle, "No, my father is not an ambulance chaser." From the reaction out of both the cops I could tell they were pissed. I hadn't cussed, screamed, cried, begged, or anything else that would have given them satisfaction or justification for what they were doing to me, I had been respectful and dignified, the fact that I was able to get so angry and still keep a modicum of cool likely infurriated them to no end, so the head cop stepped closer and quickly read me my miranda rights. At the end he asked me if I wanted to speak to my lawyer, I said yes, I would like to call my dad. He said you can call him from jail and instructed that I sit on the curb. Furiously but controlled, I complied not saying another word and feeling that if I did that flames would erupt from my mouth. Nikkita sat down with me and asked them to turn off the car so we wouldn't get carbon monoxide poisoning. She lightly held my tensed left arm and attempted to calm me down. I was not afraid of going to jail at this point, part of me even wanted to go just so I could go toe to toe with the head cop in a countersuit against him and another against the bar. Naturally a couple of swords and an abandoned football field at dawn is my preferred method of retribution but I'm a realist here. Some time passed and it became obvious that the cop was all talk when he started looking for TPW's (tresspassing warrants) in his trunk. While he was looking and filling out the forms he tried to make conversation which I reluctantly participated and Nikkita charmed her way through. At one point she said to the head cop that she couldn't believe this was happening to me because I'm such an upright, honorable guy. I said to her that I appreciated it but that "I'm sure he'd never heard that one before." He looked down at us and said "Well, I believe her." which was likely more insult than compliment. At which point both cops felt it necessary and prudent to ask if we were dating to which I had to tell them that we had for 2.5 years and that we broke up and it was all my fault so they woudln't start asking anymore questions. The head cop with his utter lack of decoum and propriety said that I need to do what ever I can to get back with her. Thanks, as if this night isn't awkward and bad enough now I'm getting dating advice from roid rage Barney Rubble (to give you an idea of what he looked like). He then started asking me about my future plans, I started telling him about my cog psych thesis and he cuts me off and says I should put an end to rap music and video games. I roll my eyes with closed lids and let him spout his ignorance about desensitized youth and "scientific facts". What I wanted to say was, "Look, I'm all about science, in this area there are no facts, so shut up alright?" But instead Nikkita did a really great job of arguing against him, well, as long as he didn't interrupt her. Finally he gave me the TPW and said that it wouldn't be on any record but if I ever came back to Pounders I would be arrested. Like being suspended for skipping class, he was actually rewarding me with this sentence. He then let Lindsey out of the patrol car and sent us on our way.
In retrospect it's good things went as they did. I would hate to have to use what connections I have to get Pounders liquor license pulled again and have both those cops have to deal with as much shit as I possibly could muster. In all honesty I do understand why I was treated the way I was, they had probable cause, I was with someone who was lying and underage drinking, and I imagine that the calibur of patron they usually get at Pounders isn't all that high, such as drunken frat fucks trying their damndest to get what ever highschool bimbo who stole their older sister's ID drunk enough so that they might go have a lazy sweaty hump in a back alley. Though I understand, I'm still pissed, and wouldn't mind a legal shot at the lot of them, security, cops, and management. On the other hand, Nikkita was an absolute saint and I'll never be able to thank her enough for staying by me that night. She's a truly great person and if you would be so kind, anyone and everyone who reads this should tell her so. Thanks again buddy.
Oh, and by short story, I meant a shortened version of an even longer story. I'd be happy to fill in the details later.
So more has happened since then but it will be for another time.
Epic Donkey Kong Maneuver
VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
I've met some pretty nice/cool cops, and I've met some fucking dickhead cops. Your cops obviously fall into the latter category.
Anyway, I'm sending in the Princess set. The one we watched for 15 minutes to the looping NIN song.
There's a million+1 great quotes from Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas to fit this story.