So, one of my good friends was dating a girl a few months ago who turned out to be too much of an emotionally abusive, judgemental Baptist and a raging psycho hosebeast to boot. He still talks to her occasionally, I (gladly) hadn't heard from her in a couple of months, but she apparently saw on my MySpace profile recently that I'd said: "Yes, my profile says 'swinger', but that's not *quite* accurate; I'm more polyamorous, and if you don't know what that means, Google it."
Apparently, she was "forced" to read this (and to google polyamory), and decided to send me this email:
"Polyamory is the practice or lifestyle of being open to having more than one loving, intimate relationship at a time, with the full knowledge and consent of all partners involved. The word is often used more broadly to refer to relationships that are not sexually exclusive, but there is disagreement on how broadly it applies (for example, many people contend that swinging is not polyamory). Persons who consider themselves open to or emotionally suited for such relationships may define themselves as polyamorous, often abbreviated to poly."
And this some how makes it different? You never struck me as this person. You deserve more out of life than this.
I was absolutely flabergasted by her gall in sending this to me out of the blue, but it gave me license to reply and say some things to her that I'd dearly wanted to for almost a year. This was my response to her:
"Thanks for your concern, if that's what this is, but (with all due respect) where do you get off?
You don't know me, you don't know what I've done or what I've been through in my life. You don't know anything about the things that have happened to me or the people who have hurt me. You don't know what kinds of decisions I've made in my life or what the consequences of those decisions might have been. Don't presume that you do.
Your attitude embodies everything about the Church that made me leave it. Yes, I used to be an Evangelical Christian (born and raised Episcopalian converted to non-denominational Evangelical in High School); I was saved, I was baptized again as a consenting adult. I was even a leader in Campus Life/Youth for Christ for a number of years. Heck, that *was* my life for a number of years in the early nineties. Until I started dating and (horror of horrors) fell in love with a girl who was a non-Christian. Long story short, my church refused to marry us, my Campus life "friends" and mentors advised me against marrying her and, in a few cases, actively tried to break us up. With very few exceptions, they refused to attend or take part in the wedding. I lost almost all of my best friends because they thought they knew what was best for me, and they presumed to tell me who I could love. (Yes, our marriage did not work out in the end, but it had nothing at all to do with religion or beliefs, and I don't know or trust you enough to go into why we did break up).
I've had nothing to do with the Church since then, and I don't want to ever again. I honestly don't know what I believe about God anymore, but I sure as hell don't believe in his people.
Jesus taught us love and acceptance. Jesus taught us to treat others as we wished to be treated. Jesus taught us that we are not supposed to judge others - that's for God alone to do. Do you presume to know the full of God's mind? Do you actually think you know what's best for me? Do you even know what's best for you? I don't think so, but that's not for me to judge.
I honestly don't care what you think about me, I know what I think about myself, and I know what my friends think about me, and that's all that matters to me. I love who I love because they are who they are, not who I want them to be. And I'm open to loving anyone else who might come into my life (well, only women in a physical sense, but you know what I mean). I don't want to close myself to the possibility of love, because I don't know who I might meet next week, or next year. And I also know that how I feel about one person does not change how I feel about another. Do you only love one of your daughters? Is there's room enough in your heart for only one at a time? Jealousy can be the most destructive emotion humans have, so why give in to it? You can learn from jealousy; learn what your own insecurities are, and use that knowledge to become a better, more caring, more loving person. Or you can let your jealousy rule you and consume you and destroy every bit of love that ever lived in your heart.
I could go on with this, but I doubt you'd listen or care. Because, like so many other "Christians" I've known in my life, all that matters to you is being right. All you care about is what's wrong and "sinful" about other people rather than what's good and just about them. Like the street preachers who talk about sin and pass out tracts without so much as getting to know the people they're talking to. Without even caring about who they are as individuals. This type of "Christian" makes me sick, and is certainly not going to share in God's kingdom (if it exists).
Maybe I'm wrong, maybe you're not like this, but I've seen no evidence of it thus far. Feel free to prove me wrong - or don't. It makes no difference to me.
In any case, I do wish you well in your life, and I hope you're able to find happiness - whatever form that takes for you. Please do not try to deny me the same."