postmark_jensen

I just farted, and it felt like I farted a tiny shark.

So lately I've been having a bunch of pain down in the "tainted" area. I wondered what it was, and was talking with a friend of mine, when she reminded me that I haven't had sex in over 6 years now.

SIX YEARS!!!

I just got too busy, then got too lazy.

At least I know what the pain is. I'll be at Joe's Garage...
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I like Shelly
You like Jane
What the girl in
the snakeskin's name?

My roomie has arachnophobia. I heard her screaming from her part of the apartment about spiders while watching a movie. So I took four metal clothes hangers, clipped them, taped and shaped them like spider legs, stretched a black winter hat over my bicycle helmet, affixed them together using masking tape, then...
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It is 1:30 AM and the fucking garbage truck rolled in.

This is funny, cause liquor stores close at 10PM, bars close at 2AM, no package store can be open on Sundays, yet FUCKING GARBAGE TRUCKS WORK ANYWHERE BETWEEN MIDNIGHT AND DAWN!

Also, I think that I have to scratch my bum.

qato:

you'd better scratch it then. thanks for the zit-popper link. i must be psychically connected to the person who invented it. i used to daydream about having a square of skin on a frame so i could paint oil and mayo and stuff onto it and then pop all the wildly disgusting zits on it the next morning.

Dec 29, 2005

Maeve

postmark_jensen:

My kitty

Dec 28, 2005

Merry Christmas! I'll stab you in the throat if you don't wish me a happy merry whatever back, catfish?

Spent the holidays at home. I'm not a big fan of family, although I bet I'll cry when they die. I just hope that the crying doesn't keep me from making a hasty getaway after I kill them.

I'm low on vodka and high on life....
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You know what the three differences between women and men are?
1) Our penises
2) Our salaries
3) Our ability not to vomit when we swallow the nasty fucking shit you've had cooking all day.

Hate mail to me@here.

unida:

haha...ok....thank u.....

Dec 23, 2005

I just made wee wee. I haven't showered in a while. You should smell my fingers. They smell like a toddler found beneath a bunch of old dead guys in the SuperDome in New Orleans.

I washed them though, so they smell pretty now.

A rash of comments.

Ever notice that the background of SG is a bunch of queer-colored driedels?

SG has made war on santamas.

I'll tell you all later (whoever reads this) about how, no shit, I am responsible for the war on christmas. I'm not fucking with you either. It was an accident, but fuck xmas anyway.

Again, I'm serious, *I* started the war on christmas in 1994. Me...
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