portraitinflesh

When does my life begin?

I have been growing increasingly more depressed lately, when I look out the window I think that my life is out there, and I cant have it. Then I think of jumping out, because then at least something would happen.

When I am driving I imagine what it would be like to let go of the wheel and keep my eyes open the entire time.

A few minutes ago I thought about writing a suicide note, just so I could form all my unhappiness on a page and give it a name.

Im not going to kill myself.
But i think about it.

I want Lou Reed to come rescue me from my sadness and tell me on a cold wet street that "Life is meant to be more than this"

I wont tell anyone
so instead I opt to write it in the electrolux, and hang in among the infinite electric of cyberspace. Like those sad ribbons people tie to fences. To say "My heart hurts"