pornstar

ok today was one of those days. something had to give. teh hair lost. after alot of soul searching today i came to a unnerving revelation. so i needed a change. it takes alot of willpower to do what i must do. at times i dont even know if i have that much. i look back over my life and remember just exactly what i've been through and note that this will be another lesson learned, another scar. funny thing about scars though is that you have a story for eveyone one if them. sometimes they are good, other times you wish you could wash them out of your brain housing group forever and pretend like it doesnt exist. well suffice it to say they have yet to come up with a cover-up cream that will hide scars such as these. with each passing moment i feel like it may get better. early in this process its more like one step forward and two steps back. evetually i will learn to put another foot forward right after the next. i know they say time will heal all wounds but, for the moment i wnat to stop time, give me that extra moment that might somehow remedy this situation. although no matter how many times i can relive the same day, yes gourndhog day is coming soon, i know deep down that it wouldnt change a thing. no matter how much you might want something to happen there will always be that something else waiting around the corner ready to take that chance and all you can do is stand idley by and watch it happen in your face. powerless, uncontrollable. sometimes these scars go deep enough to make you question your own self worth. your own place in this chaotic cosmos of linked moments. just when you think you have it all figured out they go and change the sign on the door. if it's true that everything happens for a purpose then you can bet that when it happens you will be the last to know that purpose. if not then you have the support of your friends to help you carry on. some may understand and other may just empathize with you. throughout it all though, your heart will continue to beat, your lungs will continue to breath, ans you will wake up to another day, one that is less hurtful and painful as teh day prior. it just goes to show that you can never really know everything becuase everything is always changing.
well that's about all i care to write about for today. i give my remaining wishes to you because they have stopped working for me.