popepancho

SUNDAY MORNING SERMON!

yawn ... strrrrretch ... ... oh are we on? kewl

Good morning brethren! good to see you so bleary-eyed and slack-jawed!
y'all must've had a goooood time last night. that's why services are held so late.
We gather here today, nursing hangovers and smoothing down our bedheads,
in celebration of revelry and debauchery, a few of our favorite things.

And though the tragic condition in which we awake may lead us to believe
that these deviant acts we enjoy so much are WRONG! that we are horrible sinners,
that we not only left our credit card at the bar, but our brain and souls as well.

Drink some water! and the alcohol shall pass!
Take a shower! and the funky sins be washed away!
And Dawn liquid soup can get that lube out of the sheets.

yawn ... where was i? got distracted by lube ....

THIS SERMON BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE MAKERS OF GLUBE !
half lube, half glue, for that lasting embrace!




please open your hymnals to page 231:
"She was a fast machine, She kept her motor clean,
"She was the best damn woman that I ever seen,
"
"She had a-sightless eyes, Telling me no lie,
"Knockin' me out with those American thighs,
"
"Taking more than her share, Had me fighting for air,
"She told me to come, but I was already there,
"
"'Cos the walls start shaking, The earth was quaking,
"My mind was achin', And we were makin' it and you...
"
"You really shook me and YOU! Shook me all night long,
"AAAAARRRRAHHAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAA You...
" Shook me all night long,
"Yeah yeah you, Shook me all night long,
"You really got me and you, Shook me all night long,
"Yeah you shook me, Yeah you shook me, All night long
" -Brother Angus




ok here's a story:
"There was once a man being chased by a tiger thru a field.
He ran full out, not looking back at his pursuer, until he came to the edge of a cliff.
Not able to stop in time, he scrambled at the edge as the tiger stalked towards him.
The big kitty padded up to the edge just as he finally slipped away.
Flailing about, he caught hold of a scrawny tree that stalled his fall, but precariously.
Accessing his predicament, he looked down 23 feet and saw another tiger come strolling up.
The top tiger reached his paw over the edge as the low tiger fixed him with a primal gaze.
He glanced at his hands to spy a single cherry hanging from his only lifeline.
He gingerly picked it, closed his eyes, and ate it. Nothing had ever tasted so SWEET!"

what's the lesson, pope?
should we appreciate the crucial lifelines that support us?
by examining our roots, can we find what saves us?
don't hang out in fields with tigers (unpredictable kitties)?
when we see a ripe cherry, should we pick it and pop it in our mouth?
the pope recommends the latter.




BROTHERS AND SISTERS! COME TOGETHER!
ugh ... y'all are nasty! anybody got some paper towels?




call-and-responce
crazy preacher: "is there anybody out there?"
congregation: [cricket noises]
crazy preacher: [giggles then passes out]




hymnal page 1:
"Oh when will you say "Nothing's bothering me"
"Sure would be so comforting to feel some positive energy
"And when will you say that "My life is lovely, lovely, lovely"
"Sure would be so comforting to see yourself a-smiling
"Well, two lonely people never found solace in solitude
"They never compromise their egos
"Now she's lost wherever he goes; He's lost wherever she goes
"But that's how the story goes
"Yeah that's how the story goes
"
"So you should always give your love away, Give your love away
"Well I don't know why, Maybe it just works that way
"But you should always give your love away, Give your love away
"The skin will only come off if you shed it
"Happiness will only come in if you let it, oh oh oh ah oh oh
" -brother twang


[oblivious, the pope continues to dance around in circle
[singing chorus over and over. "give you love away. oh oh oh ah oh oh"
[until congregation joyfully exits stage rear, into the mellow sun

[cept for one parishiner, who lingers to distract the pope from his official duties. wink.