yes, i severely edited my last depressing entry, mainly because i don't really like spilling my guts all over people i don't know/barely know. it was brought to my attention that this may be a bit hypocritical, as i'm willing to let strangers see me naked. somehow that makes sense to me, and yet it doesn't. i guess it's that part of my personality. you know, THAT part. that part that everyone i've ever known has complained to me about. that part that has caused me a lot of pain and discomfort, actually. i like to present myself as being cool, calm, controlled, aloof, at all times. i don't know why. not to say i'm not warm to people i care about. but i don't like getting emotional. i don't like crying or having to tell someone that i'm worried or scared about something. which is really bizarre, because my acting this way is in direct contrast to what i'm really like. i'm a veritable grab-bag of raging emotions at any given moment. but i feel like i lose or something if i ever show it. oh well. the people who really know me know how i really feel...for the most part.
i'm probably not making any sense...because i haven't really slept in two days and i'm really tired.
today is the one year anniversary of when i came to michigan...or left for michigan...i can't remember, but i know that march 8 is engrained into my memory with something to do with that.
there's so much i want to do...i want to get a tattoo, i want to get my nose pierced, i want to get some new diet pills, i want to get a boob job....but it all takes so much money. and i have no money. i wonder if i ever will.
i'm always being pulled in two different directions -- the one that says i'm okay with myself and i don't need to change or worry about anything, and the other that's in utter turmoil and is constantly screaming in my ear about how imperfect i am and that i need to change everything. i threw up on an empty stomach the other day, so it was only that gross yellow stomach acid, and i know for sure now that i'm glad i don't do that shit all the time anymore.
i'm probably not making any sense...because i haven't really slept in two days and i'm really tired.
today is the one year anniversary of when i came to michigan...or left for michigan...i can't remember, but i know that march 8 is engrained into my memory with something to do with that.
there's so much i want to do...i want to get a tattoo, i want to get my nose pierced, i want to get some new diet pills, i want to get a boob job....but it all takes so much money. and i have no money. i wonder if i ever will.
i'm always being pulled in two different directions -- the one that says i'm okay with myself and i don't need to change or worry about anything, and the other that's in utter turmoil and is constantly screaming in my ear about how imperfect i am and that i need to change everything. i threw up on an empty stomach the other day, so it was only that gross yellow stomach acid, and i know for sure now that i'm glad i don't do that shit all the time anymore.
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
nocontrol:
Well, you know...there's naked and then there's NAKED...some forms are more embarrasing and painful than others, really.
fairygrlz:
You are WAY beautiful the way you are!!!