Seriously?! REALLY!?! FUCK
I am so ill today! Fucking crazy aunt woke me up at 5 in the goddamned morning storming and stomping around the house for god only fucking knows what reason. Then I get to school, in class, and everyone is asking me whats that sticking out my bumper on my car? fucking two foot STICK in my bumper which made a HUGE fucking crack! I already have a loose muffler and a missing side view mirror REALLY do I need anything else??
And I'm sick of being nice to certain people. I have been as nice as I can be, nicer than I thought it would ever be possible for me to be in this sort of situation. But I want to rip somebody a new one today! I am SO mad! Mad because I have to play nice. Mad because the second I start feeling like I'm doing alright someone throws a wrench in my plans and trips me up. Well fuck it! Is it going to take me turning from a mature sensible person into a nasty fucking bitch? Because I can so easily become that. Since December I have been mature, logical, sensible for the most part all along. And now I just want to hurt somebody. I have tried so HARD to not let myself react this way. All I want is to be happy and every time I turn around you bruise my heart up again. Well it isn't yours to hurt anymore so leave it alone!
I don't want this to become my ghost. I don't want to dwell on things like this, and GOD DAMN IT I've been doing a good job of that lately. I have. But all it seems to take is one irresponsible move on someone else's part to fuck that up for me. I know it's too soon for me to have purged all of this poison from my system, but I'm trying.
Ok, half halt and soften. That feels a little better now. Not quite the hurtfulness that I want to get out , but that's a good thing. My bitterness isn't needed to blacken the universe anymore than it already is.
More songs to make me feel better: (The first song was actually suggested by my teacher when I was bitching before my dentistry rotation)
And of course my favorite feel good song::
I am so ill today! Fucking crazy aunt woke me up at 5 in the goddamned morning storming and stomping around the house for god only fucking knows what reason. Then I get to school, in class, and everyone is asking me whats that sticking out my bumper on my car? fucking two foot STICK in my bumper which made a HUGE fucking crack! I already have a loose muffler and a missing side view mirror REALLY do I need anything else??
And I'm sick of being nice to certain people. I have been as nice as I can be, nicer than I thought it would ever be possible for me to be in this sort of situation. But I want to rip somebody a new one today! I am SO mad! Mad because I have to play nice. Mad because the second I start feeling like I'm doing alright someone throws a wrench in my plans and trips me up. Well fuck it! Is it going to take me turning from a mature sensible person into a nasty fucking bitch? Because I can so easily become that. Since December I have been mature, logical, sensible for the most part all along. And now I just want to hurt somebody. I have tried so HARD to not let myself react this way. All I want is to be happy and every time I turn around you bruise my heart up again. Well it isn't yours to hurt anymore so leave it alone!
I don't want this to become my ghost. I don't want to dwell on things like this, and GOD DAMN IT I've been doing a good job of that lately. I have. But all it seems to take is one irresponsible move on someone else's part to fuck that up for me. I know it's too soon for me to have purged all of this poison from my system, but I'm trying.
Ok, half halt and soften. That feels a little better now. Not quite the hurtfulness that I want to get out , but that's a good thing. My bitterness isn't needed to blacken the universe anymore than it already is.
More songs to make me feel better: (The first song was actually suggested by my teacher when I was bitching before my dentistry rotation)
And of course my favorite feel good song::
ponie:
And I will. I will get over this because I'm strong enough.