ponie

Well. So I wasn't going to post a blog tonight, but something has come up that I really need to get off my chest. I just found out some information on the third party member that so affected my relationship with my now ex fiance. Apparently this persons presence also had bad effects on another friends relationship with HER fiance in pretty much the same manner as the third party was having, or I foresaw would have on mine. It's almost a relief, a comfort to know that I wasn't just being paranoid and jumping at shadows. I KNOW I was right when I became uncomfortable with the situation we were in. I almost wish I could throw it in their faces (my ex and the third party's faces). "SEE! Look here, this is what you did and this is what you're doing." Neither of them saw anything wrong with it and they made me the bad guy. But I was right. And while that doesn't really make me happy, because obviously that third party had effects on my relationship that helped ruin it, it does comfort me to know that I was right when I stood my ground. It's too bad I didn't stand a little firmer, that I let them make me think I really was the bad guy for a while. I feel so bad for my other friend, that she went through that with this person, but while it happened at the cost of my own relationship, I'm glad that person is away from this other friend and her fiance so that they can get on with their future without any further problems. At least someone was able to have relief from that. No one should ever have to go through it. But my having to go through it has made me stronger and smarter. I've cut this third party person from my life and I'm trying to move beyond it all. I'll never be able to remove my ex-fiance from my life completely, and I don't necessarily even want too. But I CAN start putting things in the past tense.

All of this has opened up a wound I wanted to heal. Opened it, but not caused it to bleed. I'm going to be sore for a long time. But I had my closure with him for the most part, and now I think that this gives me closure, or at least a new light to see things in, on that other person. People may not do things with the intention of hurting someone else, but they need to open their eyes and see that what they're doing, intentional or not, has damaged more people than they realize. It makes it hard to blame a person for their wrongs when they're not even able to see them, but I have little patience for things like that. Especially since I laid it out for it to be seen.

Now that I know that I no longer have to feel guilty, that the blame I felt that they placed on me was undeserved, I can shake things off a little better. I'm still not saying that every move I made was 100% right, but in the end my decisions were. In the end my feelings, my beliefs, my foresight, were correct. I'm so angry and hurt still, more than I want to express, because turning that around into positive energy for my future is what is going to help me heal.

In just this one week I have already made new contacts and opened up doors to new possibilities for myself. New friends and new options have suddenly come pouring out at me and I am overwhelmed and excited. I've gone exploring, literally and figuratively. I think I'm kind of starting to test some new waters with myself and I like it. I feel bold, and for a Lioness like me, bold is the best place to be.