ponie

No resolutions just change. My new year mantra for 2010 and there has been so much change that my head is still spinning. I separated new years eve from my boyfriend/fiance of (officially) 4 years. I barely know how I even feel about, my emotions have become a bit bipolar. during the days when I'm busy and with people I feel strong and confident and liberated. During the evenings when I'm alone I just feel hurt, lonely, confused, and very angry with myself. I have by all means not turned into to Moaning Mrytle or anything. I can proudly say I only cried myself to sleep on the first nigh,t, but I certainly am a little weepy when I'm stuck in my car for long drives. I guess it doesn't matter if breaking up is the right decision or not, its never easy to let go.

I'm hoping that with school starting up again tomorrow my busy days will overflow into my nights and I'll have less time to mope and berate myself for bad behavior. this will be my last semester (finally!) of vet tech school. the end of a two year program that is 4 years worth of information. My classes this semester are Laboratory Techniques III Lecture and lab, Animal Nutrition, Office Practices, Large Animal Clinical Practices, and Clinical Practices III. 15 credit hours so I'm sure I'll have plenty to do, so much so that within a week I know I'll be complaining about it. While I know that school has been the right thing for me to do education and career wise, I wish it hasn't been so rough on my love life and messed me up badly personally. I feel like I've become a totally different person that I was a year and half ago, belligerent, angry and pushy. I hate that and it's not the way I'm supposed to be or want to be. I hope that I can try harder to change that.

In happier news, another occurring change is the horse I'm taking lessons on now. I've moved up to a more educated horse than one I had been riding and I'll be able to move up a level of competition in dressage now. He's an amazing bay TB gelding named Sam I Am with a huge trot and a solid rocking horse canter. I'm really thrilled with him and I'm excited to start showing him, as well as still ride and show my trainers old FEI horse too.

I hope this will be a good semester. putting myself together, finding myself and figuring it all out. I wish I could apologize to the man I hurt in trying to work myself out. I hope the changes coming in his life are good ones.

<3 Paisley