pollythundercat

I should be happy and excited, but I'm depressed again and scared.
I'm gonna have a shitload of training this first month, on top of getting used to a fixed schedule, in the afternoon...then i start working nights, during weekends, and holidays....one day off a week. I have been working weekends since i started translating, but it's different. There are rules and regulations, all that jazz, and although the company is awesome, i have no experience with this. It's scaring me, seriously.
On top of that, I have to deal my my asshole best friend nagging about my new work schedule, WTF. I shouldn't be going through this.....he's making it 10 times worse. He's working as well, hooking up with this girl at work, and being SUPER nice to her, doing shit he never does to me. OF COURSE I'M JEALOUS, on top of everything else. They hang out everyday, he gives her rides, he even paid her bill last night.
We've been arguing constantly, like...REALLY often.
I'm just so fucking tired.
I'm underestimated, treated as if i were a dude (i really wish i was, things would be so much easier, but i'm not - and im the farther from that than ever!), and dealing with someone who's like a brother to me, but also a selfish prick. No, I'm not ready to let him go, I know, wtf is wrong with me right. But there are upsides to his friendship.
I really just want him to see past his selfishness for once. I don't want support, but I don't want him bringing me down and making me feel like shit either.

I have my goals, I'm not giving them up for anyone. But really, why following through with them has to hurt me?

I don't even know if I'm making any sense....so I'll stop here.