polaris

my life is like a rollercoaster.

after the climax i still have to get off.

i you

woops, let my account lapse.

but i am back!

and i just filed something hairy with the IRS. do they get off on taking my money? lousy bastards.

so now that you can post to my journal again, do so!

i'm back!

here in my empty apartment. i just need to get rid of this place. everytime i drive here, come here, i'm reminded of how much i miss it here. i miss the smell of my candles and my cigarettes. i miss crawling into bed and smelling last night's conquest. it really makes me nostalgic.

speaking of which. something happened that i did not...
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nothing left in this apartment except my food and computer.

the way it should be.

i've taken another venture to this apt because 1) i still have lots of misc. shit here and 2) it's next to the bars and that's where i'm headed tonight.

oh yeah and i was hungry, too

i have a lot of crap.

i told everyone i have been packing for the past few days, but it's all a lie! i've just started packing tonight, and my folks are coming over with the uhaul at 8am!

this is insane. i emailed my brother tonight sending him my new address with the subject: "polaris' new address 2k3" i didn't realize until later, i've...
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that last post was depressing. i hate money sometimes.

anyways! on a brighter note! i got some financial help from an unnamed source. you don't come here but thanks anyway sweetie. i love you!

today was pretty chill. spent most of the time just writing in files at work which oddly enough, i really enjoy that. worked my whole shift with my best good friend...
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electricity connection deposit....240
cell phone connection deposit....200
brand new sanyo scp-5300....... 299
house mortgage due apr 1.........970
apartment rent due apr 1...........677
taxes due apr 15.......................850
leftover apt electricity bill.........180
leftover apt landline bill.............90
leftover apt internet bill.............90
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total rapeage by economy......priceless

i hate...

: moving to 2-story houses
: staying up late when i have to work in the morning
: that feeling i get the morning-after
: cold water
: not remembering last night
: running out of money
: taxes!!!!

i'm having nice, comfy, shag flashbacks from the other night. he was probably the most comfortable person i've been with in a long time....
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I haven't stopped.

if these were your last few minutes.. who would you want to be with?

i'd most likely be with my boy carver, laying in the bed of his truck staring out at the stars.

Let me quote directly..

"~ Wednesday 19 March

8 a.m. Ugh. Wish was dead. Am never, ever going to drink again for the rest of life.

8:30 a.m. Oooh. Could really fancy some chips.

11:30 a.m. Badly need water but seems better to keep eyes closed and head stationary on pillow so as not to disturb bits of machinery and pheasants in head.

Noon. Going...
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