I don't think that I will ever kill myself despite my grief and hopelessness because I don't want to hurt the few people left who still care about me. I don't want to lay that kind of grief at my wife's feet. I'm just saying that if death came knocking at my door, I think I'd go ahead and open it. I have no happiness without her and my family. Why fight to live when you have no happiness? I see no point under those circumstances. I only get up and go to work to help take care of her. I literally don't want anything. I don't want anyone else. Once she doesn't need me financially, there goes one reason to even get out of bed. If she does decide to sever all contact with me after the divorce, there goes my reason for living at all. So I'm just hanging on and waiting to see how things play out for now. I've never felt a sorrow as deep as this. This will most definitely be the last time I will ever endure it. No way I'd survive another round of this shit. Still not sure if I'll survive this one.
