More of the reflections of a jaded mind...
This morning my son and his wonderful curiosity happened to stumble accross the remote control, however since my son is only 1 he doesn't exactly know how to navigate it, so instead he pressed a random button and put on the "Christian Channel" I guess thats what you call it... now of course he then proceeded to hide the remote on me, so I have since then not been able to change this shit. I have been sitting here all day listening to Pastor Jackass and Ministor Fuckface talk about the Almighty and Powerful Healing fo Miracles.
Now do not get me wrong. I believe there is a God. The reason I say I believe there is a God as oopose to saying I believe IN God, is because I believe he is there, however I believe he has given up on me. (Please do not send me ispirational Christian quotes to make me believe that God still loves me) nothing is going to change my mind. I have a very understanding relationship with God. In my heart/mind I have given up my own hapiness for the hapiness of others, and in turn God has promised me to not worry about me and take care of those who I pray for. Therefore, I still pray and ask God for help for other people, such as my son, husband, family and friends. Its my understanding with God and I like it that way. I know he's there and he knows I'm here yet we pretty much stay out of eachothers way.
But now these Christian fuckheads, are trying to explain that that is not right. Why? Where does it say in the Bible (not that I have read it or anything) that you must pray for yourself?! I know that you have to repent your sins and except God as your savior and blah blah blah.... I just don't get it, theres so many things that I question that make it literally impossible for me to complete give myself to Christianity.
Little side story: I'm Cuban, and proud of it, Catholisism to a certain degree, we dont eat meat on Good friday. When I was in 5th Grade, I had a Jewish teacher. Instead of celebrating Christmas *obviously before christmas break* He put up Manora's (sp?) and the star of David to decorate the classroom, then began telling us old Jewish stories. I loved all of the stroies he told, and at that moment I was convinced that I wanted to be Jewish. And I was ready at 10 years old to go home, and be virtually murdered by my mother and tell her that I wanted to convert to Jeudism, and then my teacher said something that like the good Cuban I am killed everything for me... Jews dont eat pork. Of course I know now they have Kosher stuff, but at that time being a little fatass 10 year old... Jeudism lost me for good!
So that just goes to prove my point, religion is defined by so many small things. Why read the guidleines? Literally whats the point? Oh well I know I'm just babbling on and on about this but whatever... it just bothers me. I honestly don't believe my son is a miracle, dont get me wrong I dont know what I would do without him, but technically he is not a miracle, he is the product of reproduction... its what happens, you have sex? You get pregnant! I really dont believe my mom made it through her surgery because it was God's will, she made it through her surgery because she had doctors who studied and know their jobs, and because of HER strong Will!! The funny thing is the more he preaches the angrier I get. Maybe God will "smite" me for saying all of this, but I'm not really worried about it. Once again we have an understanding, as long as he takes care of those I love, he can do whatever he wants with me.
So whats the lesson of todays blog???
This morning my son and his wonderful curiosity happened to stumble accross the remote control, however since my son is only 1 he doesn't exactly know how to navigate it, so instead he pressed a random button and put on the "Christian Channel" I guess thats what you call it... now of course he then proceeded to hide the remote on me, so I have since then not been able to change this shit. I have been sitting here all day listening to Pastor Jackass and Ministor Fuckface talk about the Almighty and Powerful Healing fo Miracles.
Now do not get me wrong. I believe there is a God. The reason I say I believe there is a God as oopose to saying I believe IN God, is because I believe he is there, however I believe he has given up on me. (Please do not send me ispirational Christian quotes to make me believe that God still loves me) nothing is going to change my mind. I have a very understanding relationship with God. In my heart/mind I have given up my own hapiness for the hapiness of others, and in turn God has promised me to not worry about me and take care of those who I pray for. Therefore, I still pray and ask God for help for other people, such as my son, husband, family and friends. Its my understanding with God and I like it that way. I know he's there and he knows I'm here yet we pretty much stay out of eachothers way.
But now these Christian fuckheads, are trying to explain that that is not right. Why? Where does it say in the Bible (not that I have read it or anything) that you must pray for yourself?! I know that you have to repent your sins and except God as your savior and blah blah blah.... I just don't get it, theres so many things that I question that make it literally impossible for me to complete give myself to Christianity.
Little side story: I'm Cuban, and proud of it, Catholisism to a certain degree, we dont eat meat on Good friday. When I was in 5th Grade, I had a Jewish teacher. Instead of celebrating Christmas *obviously before christmas break* He put up Manora's (sp?) and the star of David to decorate the classroom, then began telling us old Jewish stories. I loved all of the stroies he told, and at that moment I was convinced that I wanted to be Jewish. And I was ready at 10 years old to go home, and be virtually murdered by my mother and tell her that I wanted to convert to Jeudism, and then my teacher said something that like the good Cuban I am killed everything for me... Jews dont eat pork. Of course I know now they have Kosher stuff, but at that time being a little fatass 10 year old... Jeudism lost me for good!
So that just goes to prove my point, religion is defined by so many small things. Why read the guidleines? Literally whats the point? Oh well I know I'm just babbling on and on about this but whatever... it just bothers me. I honestly don't believe my son is a miracle, dont get me wrong I dont know what I would do without him, but technically he is not a miracle, he is the product of reproduction... its what happens, you have sex? You get pregnant! I really dont believe my mom made it through her surgery because it was God's will, she made it through her surgery because she had doctors who studied and know their jobs, and because of HER strong Will!! The funny thing is the more he preaches the angrier I get. Maybe God will "smite" me for saying all of this, but I'm not really worried about it. Once again we have an understanding, as long as he takes care of those I love, he can do whatever he wants with me.
So whats the lesson of todays blog???
P.S. He also told me to never let a kid get a hold of my remote.