I broke a cardnal rule for myself. I reconnected with my mother after 5 years because of my health. To be completely honest, i did it because i was ready to die from my stomach ordeals and wanted her to know that i didnt hate her and still loved her. She came full throttle back into my life and convinced me that florida was where i needed to be for both my health and to reconnect with her. Jesus, was that a mistake.
She lied to me outright in how much she was drinking. She led me to believe that she rarely drank, that a DUI she had a year prior was for barely being over the limit. In truth, she drinks every day to the point that she loses time, conversations, almost everything. She surrounds herself with enablers and addicts as well. Yes men and women who will keep her plied with alcohol as long as it benifits them. My family is no exception.
Its true that she only has 3 cocktails a day, usually by early afternoon. However, these cocktails are 3 20oz solo cups of vodka. She drinks almost a liter and a half of vodka before 4pm and has to pass out just to make it until dinner. WTF? And her friends encourage it as well as the family ignores it and it just floors me. As long as she is in Florida and they are in Indiana, then its not their problem.
This last fight took the cake because of the way that she treats me and her alcoholism. A friend from work was appalled by my mothers attutude and actions. She recorded a video of my mothers behavior when my mother was drunk because i was sitting watching TV with my arms folded and my mother didnt like it. Drunk, she jumped on my lap, wrestling me to uncross my arms. In the video, you can hearme telling my mom to get off me, to stop. The last time i was sick in January, she came by to help me with Joy and my mother never came to see me in two weeks. Not when i had to go to the hospital, not when i needed groceries, not when i needed medication. Just people stopping by from work.
In the last fight, i told my mother how people from work dont want to come around, are uncomfortable being around when she is drunk which of course, she was at that time as well.) After reminding her of the video, she screamed at me that she never wants " that fat asses selfish evil cunt on her property ever again". And if i was going to bring these people around i need to get off the property.
So i left.
Fuck that. If strangers care more for my well being, care more for my health than my own mother and family, then i may as well cut them from my life again. Lesson learned. Life is to short to burdened with a toxic family or a cancer like her alcoholism. I am, in a sense, an orphan but this is by choice. One day i wll have a family of my own, a family to love, show strength, and compasdion to and i will have put this nightmare far far behind me.
If you came this far, thank you for reading this rant. I hope you have health, love, and peace in your life. If you are strughling, you are not alone and welcome you into my heart. Lean on my shoilder, take my hand to stand strong, and whisper in my ear any secrets you wish to be kept. You have my support and love. Thank you
