We were living in the Chandler Apartments.
I had been secretly (well, not so secretly) lusting after her for months but nothing was going to happen. Too many complications. I was close to her brother, wed shared too many lovers (although never on the same night) and she was, as she said, otherwise engaged. I quickly fell into the gay best friend role, even thought I dont quite qualify.
With a little charm you can get anything, especially if you know how to flip your hair around. This is how she explained her stash of Cuban rum and tobacco, bought somewhere in Mexico. Late nights, my lust like a speeding train, big pile of lumber blocking the tracks. Damn those train robbers! Cuban rum banging around my head and NOTHING bangs around your head like Cuban rum. The strong tobacco would affect a lack of oxygen and wed nod off on the couch. Best friends.
September. It was too hot to be in the apartments. We went down the hall and opened the window. She sat on the fire escape and I stood inside. Outside we could hear the cackles and screams of Telegraph Avenue. Somebody was playing the trashcan. The regulars were drinking coffee at the med. It looks like an interesting place, from above.
That thing that people do. That pause after drawing in the smoke, the narrowing of the eyes. A forties movie look. Then: I could never be attracted to you now. Youre too old.
I wasnt that old. Not then.
She said Once youve had a teenager youre spoiled for life. And I dont mean nineteen either. Say, sixteen, seventeen. There are intangibles, like the scent and the shyness. But really, its more obvious than that. Hes like an athlete. I mean, hes not an athlete, hell probably be a business major. But hes an athlete. It can make you fall in love. And if you dont think thats love, you havent had the experience. Really, thats a perfectly good definition of love.
I thought of Jerry Lee Lewis, Chuck Berry, that Steely Dan song, Dont go for that cotton candy. They say Mohamed married a nine-year-old girl. But when I tried to do a gender flip I could only think of Suburban schoolteachers going to prison. I silently rebuked myself for being sexist.
She looked at her glass. Go into my apartment and get the rum. If you do, Ill tell you all about it. Itll be like phone sex without the phone.
It was the best I could hope for. I went for the rum.