If the way I feel right now is any indication, I'm not going to be very happy for the rest of this year... 
So I hated my landlady and I fianlly had to move, so I moved back in with my sis, who lives about 1 hour away from my job, and almost 2 hours from NYC.
It's so far, I feel completely cut off and isolated. Like now, the world is passing me by and forgotten I exist. maybe that's the case.
And I've only been there 1 night, and I'm on the brink of depression. I can feel it coming.
One feeling I've always hated is knowing you're stuck. And that's what I am. The truth is, although I have a roof over my head and all that, I'm really homeless, because this is not my house. Everywhere I look in that house reminds me of that. The wy it's decrotated, where things are and all that. It just screams at me "you don't belong here!!!." I've always hated that feeling of not having your own, and living on the charity of others. I hate it. And that's how it's going to be for at least the next 3 months.
Shit.
I guess I'm really just being spoiled and not appreciating the fact that my sis invited me to stay over, which she didn't have to do. she could have left me in the hell I was in with my landlady (though, as much as I hated it, it was MY place, in a way). I should remember, as I complain that I actually have a place to live, which many people don't have. I should, but why is it so hard to look on the bright side? maybe because I'm constantly reminded of the fact that it's not all good.
Or maybe, I just need to get used to living there.
:confused
r maybe, I'm just an ungratedful asshole.
Or maybe, I really don't even exist.
there's lots of maybes, but none of them serve as an answer, because somehow, we never know for sure. We just pick the rationale that makes us feel best and tell ourselves that's how we feel. But maybe it's not.
And maybe I need to stop rambling. Now I'm talking to my journal like it's my only friend. Now that's sad. Coz even the journal doesn't really care. It's just a journal, after all.
And why am I even writing all this like anyone has the time to read the whole thing? Who even cares anyway?
**silence**
That's what I thought...
Shit. I'm depressed.
If you read this far, good work. You have a lot of patience...
I guess I just had to let it all out somehow.
So I hated my landlady and I fianlly had to move, so I moved back in with my sis, who lives about 1 hour away from my job, and almost 2 hours from NYC.
It's so far, I feel completely cut off and isolated. Like now, the world is passing me by and forgotten I exist. maybe that's the case.
And I've only been there 1 night, and I'm on the brink of depression. I can feel it coming.
One feeling I've always hated is knowing you're stuck. And that's what I am. The truth is, although I have a roof over my head and all that, I'm really homeless, because this is not my house. Everywhere I look in that house reminds me of that. The wy it's decrotated, where things are and all that. It just screams at me "you don't belong here!!!." I've always hated that feeling of not having your own, and living on the charity of others. I hate it. And that's how it's going to be for at least the next 3 months.
Shit.
I guess I'm really just being spoiled and not appreciating the fact that my sis invited me to stay over, which she didn't have to do. she could have left me in the hell I was in with my landlady (though, as much as I hated it, it was MY place, in a way). I should remember, as I complain that I actually have a place to live, which many people don't have. I should, but why is it so hard to look on the bright side? maybe because I'm constantly reminded of the fact that it's not all good.
Or maybe, I just need to get used to living there.
:confused
r maybe, I'm just an ungratedful asshole.
Or maybe, I really don't even exist.
there's lots of maybes, but none of them serve as an answer, because somehow, we never know for sure. We just pick the rationale that makes us feel best and tell ourselves that's how we feel. But maybe it's not.
And maybe I need to stop rambling. Now I'm talking to my journal like it's my only friend. Now that's sad. Coz even the journal doesn't really care. It's just a journal, after all.
And why am I even writing all this like anyone has the time to read the whole thing? Who even cares anyway?
**silence**
That's what I thought...
Shit. I'm depressed.
If you read this far, good work. You have a lot of patience...
I guess I just had to let it all out somehow.
VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
3 months isn't a very long time.
i bet you could put it to good use.
necessity IS the mother of invention, afterall.
my prescription for a little mood booster:
do something really nice for your sister to let her know how much you appreciate her opening her home to you. tell her how much it means to you and all sorts of gratitude stuff. maybe you guys will have a nice super lovey moment. and then everyone walks away with a smile.
remember: it's up to YOU to make your life happy.. or not.
Chin up, buttercup! It's fall! It's Halloween! You know what that means, right? Free candy!