Tonight I realized something I have been trying to ignore for a long time. All the pain and torment I have felt about being alone comes from the fact that I won't let anyone too close to me. I push all those away from me and compulsively lie to keep up the facade of being happy and in control of my life. Ever since I was cheated on, I can't seem to allow anyone in and have gotten too good at going numb. So good in fact I can't seem to turn it off... This is not meant to be a woe as me post by any means. This is just something that I needed to put out there and make real, so that I may start to let it go. First give it form then purge it from my life. Here is to hoping I am strong enough to let my guard down and actually find the love that I have been looking for...
