pmvirgin

I hate being a cowardly romantic.
I'd love to spend time coming up with these big elaborate tokens of affection and give them to someone I care about -- but it always takes a lot of gusto for me to even approach a girl about my romantic interest...

Why do I bring this up, you ask? Well, it's been simmering for a while now, but recent developments have resulted in the burner getting turned up.
There's this girl (what a shock, huh?). She's one of my best theatre friends. We've been in a show together and a couple classes together. Well, it turns out that, due to a schedule conflict with one of my other castmates, she will be taking on the role of Paulina in our production of "Winter's Tale." For the uninitiated: at the end of the play the king, wanting to make Paulina happy for reuniting him with his queen, decides to set Paulina with Camillo (his faithful servant), who is responsible for orchestrating the return of his daughter. And, of course, I shall be the one playing Camillo. Oh, and to make matters better/worse -- there had previously been some joking (or was it?) about a kiss between the two characters...

Good News: The king makes reference to "knowing [Camillo's] mind" (i.e., being interested in Paulina), yet there is no preceding scene in which the two interact or even mention the other. My preexisting relationship with said friend will allow me a vein to tap for inspiration in this scene.
"Bad" news: This situation has caused me to expend more thought on the preexisting interest in my friend. I was, elsewise, content to let the feelings simmer for a longer while.

The unknown/Uncertainty is most certainly my greatest fear. As long as I know the consequences are minor, I am fine -- hell, I'm great at improvisation -- but, when the stakes are high...
I care deeply for my friend (and the related friendship) -- but, being the cautious individual I am, I hesitate to use the word Love (at least, in it's non-platonic sense). If I knew that either A) it was Love or, at least, B) the expression of such an interest wouldn't destroy (or, perhaps fracture) the precious friendship we share - I would be willing to investigate further.

And, of course, it's possible she's given me hints -- but, being the boneheaded male I am, I have either not noticed them or been fearful of assuming their reality...
During the run of "Diviners" she proceeded to write out the first few lines of She will be loved. I seem to recall her mentioning something to me (after the run of the show) along the lines of wishing things were back to the way they were during the show -- in the show, my character expressed a noble interest in her character. And, although it will cost $18, she has said that she is planning to come see me in "Cheaper by the Dozen" (although, she is an aquaintance/friend of one of the kids in the show as well).

For Christmas, I made "stocking stuffers" for my friends at school -- little construction paper stockings with candy inside. I actively spent time putting hers together (using what I know of her preferences to specially design it); I pretty much went on autopilot for the others.
Already, I stand poised to do so again with some "Valen-tinys" (hey, it's less than a month away). I can't help wishing that I could do more -- but the only success I've had with girls is asking them to accompany me to do something I was planning on doing anyway. Any time I've revealed my interest or asked more generically, I've been (politely) shot down.

So, there you have it. Of course, the irony is that there was some discussion in the green room last week about guys suffering in silence over their feelings for a girl -- but I can't recall any specifics.
Anyway, I hope you have enjoyed the baring of my soul, please avoid squishing anything on your way out...

[Update - 1/26]: In unrelated news, I finally went in and got my learner's permit...