I can't sleep so I am just typing what comes into my head. Please diregard my poor typing and totally incoherent ramblings. ....
hve you ever loved someone so much that you are willing to do without a personal identity for them? I have a freind who is going through some crap with his wife, and is totally devoted to her despite the fact that she has admitted to have 5 different men in the last six months all the while not even talking to him.
She told him she doesn't consider them married anymore because she doesn't love him like she used to. and that they are only really living together. And this spineless dude accepts that.
I really admire the fact that he loves her so much that he is willing to walk die for her and put himslef through all this pain. But the dude has got to grow a set. He completely lives for his wife and kids, which I can understand.
I would kill or be killed for my family. I love LilMissmorbid more than anyone else in this world and i never want to know what life is like without her. But there has got to be a point where it is not worth the pain and suffereing caused by another person. This guy is willing to forgive her for the 5 dudes she has slept with if she will just stop it and go back to the way things were. . . I tried to get him to admit that things will never be the same again, but he is so much infatuated with who his wife used to be he can't see what she has become and in all fairness doesn't know who that is.
People change and not always for the better. Funny when people take the vows of marriage, sometimes I think they should say "I do, for now." because that seems to be the case 80% of the time. I know when I took my wedding vows in that little white trash wedditg chapel, despite the whole comical relaxed way we got married, I took them seriously and still hold them dear to me now.
LOVE HONOR CHERISH... i think somtimes I take tha stuff for granted and don't always conciously convey those things as much as I should. Infact I know I don't. But I know deep down that I love the living hell out of my wife and kids.
I consider myself a good provider and father, but those things overshadow the fact that I was a husband first. I don't always let my wife know how much I love and adore her and that is something I have been making a concious effort to do. She is the most wonderful person I have met, yeah she is a litltle morbid and has some issues that normal society frowns upon, but hell almost everyone on this site is in one way or another a social outcast. We wouldn't be here is we werent. But my wife is the missing part to the the puzzle that is me. She fills that gap and void that has always been there. She makes me smile and warms my heart knowing that she loves me back in the same way.
We met online, and that was 7 years ago. Innocently enough I asnwered a personal ad with no intentions of getting to know the person placing the ad. In all fairness it was a joke ad on her part, but i knew that the person placing the ad had to be a lot of fun and had a wonderful sense of humor. So I answered it with a "Thank You for putting a smile on my face. " I would never have though that I would still be grinning from ear to ear this many years later. Now, don't get me wrong it has not be all laughts and smiles, things don't always go that way in life, but we all have issues.
My main issue of late has been dealing with the scars and pain of my childhood. The funny thing about those is, most of them are self inflicted. I have a brothe who is 4 years older than I am. When I was 9 or so, maybe older, it is all pretty blurry and twisted from my mind, he "molested" me in our swimming pool. Now at my age I didn't really know what he was doin but I knew it wasn't normal. Now at his age he was more or less curious about his body and the changes he was going through and I was inoccent enough not to know what he was doin. I have to beleive he didn't do what he did intetionally, but I have been holding onto that for more than 18 years. I have fucked up every adult relationship I have had because of that one moment.
Now all of this has come out and I have finally be able to admit what happened and that I am in no way responsible for what happened. But I am left to deal with the fact that I have been a major asshole to my family and espcially my brother. I have been holding the world hostage because I didn't want anyone to know what happened and didn't want to put people in control over me in anyway. TELL THEM NOTHING AND THEY CAN"T HURT YOU WITH IT... I have spent most of my adult life running away from the fact that I have probably made a moutnain out of a mole hill and should just get over it and chalk it up to adolencent curiosity and leave it at that.
So now I am left picking up the pieces of ruined family bonds and trying to explain my actions and feelings to those that I hurt over the years......
Oh well that is enough spilling for now....off to sleep.
On a lighter note, please post a picture in my journal of youself that I may not have seen before. Clothing as always is optional, except for the guys, where it is mandatory.
hve you ever loved someone so much that you are willing to do without a personal identity for them? I have a freind who is going through some crap with his wife, and is totally devoted to her despite the fact that she has admitted to have 5 different men in the last six months all the while not even talking to him.
She told him she doesn't consider them married anymore because she doesn't love him like she used to. and that they are only really living together. And this spineless dude accepts that.
I really admire the fact that he loves her so much that he is willing to walk die for her and put himslef through all this pain. But the dude has got to grow a set. He completely lives for his wife and kids, which I can understand.
I would kill or be killed for my family. I love LilMissmorbid more than anyone else in this world and i never want to know what life is like without her. But there has got to be a point where it is not worth the pain and suffereing caused by another person. This guy is willing to forgive her for the 5 dudes she has slept with if she will just stop it and go back to the way things were. . . I tried to get him to admit that things will never be the same again, but he is so much infatuated with who his wife used to be he can't see what she has become and in all fairness doesn't know who that is.
People change and not always for the better. Funny when people take the vows of marriage, sometimes I think they should say "I do, for now." because that seems to be the case 80% of the time. I know when I took my wedding vows in that little white trash wedditg chapel, despite the whole comical relaxed way we got married, I took them seriously and still hold them dear to me now.
LOVE HONOR CHERISH... i think somtimes I take tha stuff for granted and don't always conciously convey those things as much as I should. Infact I know I don't. But I know deep down that I love the living hell out of my wife and kids.
I consider myself a good provider and father, but those things overshadow the fact that I was a husband first. I don't always let my wife know how much I love and adore her and that is something I have been making a concious effort to do. She is the most wonderful person I have met, yeah she is a litltle morbid and has some issues that normal society frowns upon, but hell almost everyone on this site is in one way or another a social outcast. We wouldn't be here is we werent. But my wife is the missing part to the the puzzle that is me. She fills that gap and void that has always been there. She makes me smile and warms my heart knowing that she loves me back in the same way.
We met online, and that was 7 years ago. Innocently enough I asnwered a personal ad with no intentions of getting to know the person placing the ad. In all fairness it was a joke ad on her part, but i knew that the person placing the ad had to be a lot of fun and had a wonderful sense of humor. So I answered it with a "Thank You for putting a smile on my face. " I would never have though that I would still be grinning from ear to ear this many years later. Now, don't get me wrong it has not be all laughts and smiles, things don't always go that way in life, but we all have issues.
My main issue of late has been dealing with the scars and pain of my childhood. The funny thing about those is, most of them are self inflicted. I have a brothe who is 4 years older than I am. When I was 9 or so, maybe older, it is all pretty blurry and twisted from my mind, he "molested" me in our swimming pool. Now at my age I didn't really know what he was doin but I knew it wasn't normal. Now at his age he was more or less curious about his body and the changes he was going through and I was inoccent enough not to know what he was doin. I have to beleive he didn't do what he did intetionally, but I have been holding onto that for more than 18 years. I have fucked up every adult relationship I have had because of that one moment.
Now all of this has come out and I have finally be able to admit what happened and that I am in no way responsible for what happened. But I am left to deal with the fact that I have been a major asshole to my family and espcially my brother. I have been holding the world hostage because I didn't want anyone to know what happened and didn't want to put people in control over me in anyway. TELL THEM NOTHING AND THEY CAN"T HURT YOU WITH IT... I have spent most of my adult life running away from the fact that I have probably made a moutnain out of a mole hill and should just get over it and chalk it up to adolencent curiosity and leave it at that.
So now I am left picking up the pieces of ruined family bonds and trying to explain my actions and feelings to those that I hurt over the years......
Oh well that is enough spilling for now....off to sleep.
On a lighter note, please post a picture in my journal of youself that I may not have seen before. Clothing as always is optional, except for the guys, where it is mandatory.
I don't know where would I be without the fucked up things that have happened. I know this though, I hate when people say, if it were different you'd be a different person and aren't you glad that you have those experiences. I want to say, are you fucking kidding me? Do you think I like being this insane? Hell no..
Pic.. Hum...second pic down.. I was 15!!!MY WEBPAGE
[Edited on Jan 08, 2005 9:45PM]