i promised buckykatt666 that i'd update my journal today.
what do you do when life is all curve balls and you still dont even know which end of the bat too hold?
everything feels wrong. and somehow im indifferent but i'm still writhing with the pain of it. my stomach is tearing itself up again, can't hold down food, cry and say i rubbed detergent in my eyes, feel too much.
a blank page in front of me. how will i write this story today? all sorrow and worries? will it be filled with sweetness like cheap donuts?
i've thrown up everything i've eaten for a week. i cant help but express negativity and then remorse for my own feelings. my own expressions.
my thoughts move so quickly i can barely keep up this week. but i've always felt a 1000 years behind. much like in the 5th grade when i was learning to play drums but was not as good as John Bonham (sp?) so i was surely behind and making a fool of myself.
i guess it all comes down to that raw, and unalterable truth. time is your worst enemy and your best friend. in a matter of miliseconds, or years, i'll figure this all out, but until then i'll only think of the ease of surrender.
really i just want to be older, to not hear 'when i was your age . . . " i want to be on that yellow brick road towards my destination, not just staring at it from a hundred paces.
mostly, i just want to smile.
what do you do when life is all curve balls and you still dont even know which end of the bat too hold?
everything feels wrong. and somehow im indifferent but i'm still writhing with the pain of it. my stomach is tearing itself up again, can't hold down food, cry and say i rubbed detergent in my eyes, feel too much.
a blank page in front of me. how will i write this story today? all sorrow and worries? will it be filled with sweetness like cheap donuts?
i've thrown up everything i've eaten for a week. i cant help but express negativity and then remorse for my own feelings. my own expressions.
my thoughts move so quickly i can barely keep up this week. but i've always felt a 1000 years behind. much like in the 5th grade when i was learning to play drums but was not as good as John Bonham (sp?) so i was surely behind and making a fool of myself.
i guess it all comes down to that raw, and unalterable truth. time is your worst enemy and your best friend. in a matter of miliseconds, or years, i'll figure this all out, but until then i'll only think of the ease of surrender.
really i just want to be older, to not hear 'when i was your age . . . " i want to be on that yellow brick road towards my destination, not just staring at it from a hundred paces.
mostly, i just want to smile.
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
im goin through alot of similar stuff right now. or maybe just the feeling that i know youre talking about.
but find that one little thing each day that makes you happy and try to think about that.
Time can be an enemy but it can also be a blessing life only lasts a while and your gone. Find something that makes you happy go with it tenfold leave the bad behind and you will be smiling and not worrying about how fast time goes. And by the way I have never seen a drummer as good as Bonham.