Hi SGLand, how are you? Hope you're happy as I am!
The fact is I can't believe yet this is really happening! lol
I'm pretty sure this will be a long blogpost, cause I have so much to say, it made me very emotional - and my english is not so fluent, so I take time to translate in my mind with words I already know.
Reach something you wanted so much but thought it's too distant from you, is really amazing. But what makes sense when this moment come true, is the journey we have until that. All the little things, all the little steps taken with all of our soul.
So I'm feeling emotional and nostalgic (from a tipic pisces lol) and need to talk a little about my journey in SuicideGirls and how, year by year, being part of it, I was discovering myself. And how i'm grateful for the people I met on the way!
Need to confess I love photography since ever, but never felt ready for it. Or good enough. The equipment I use, for example, I bought in 2012 to shoot trips with my ex girlfriend at time. And then I caught myself shooting portraits of her like all the time.
At this moment was just a hobby, so I didn't know so much about photometry, and all that.
So pull to the moment I join SG, at the end of 2014, when @jacqueline recruited me and other girls and teached us everything. She was (and, of course, is) always so patient, didatic, friendly. She helped me with everything, from shootings til silly questions. She has a dedication that just virgos have (wish I have at least 1/3 of hers lol) and it's impossible not to fucking laugh cause she's funny as hell. I will always be grateful to @jacqueline and all the things she did and continue doing. I'm pretty sure that all girls are grateful to her. All the girls recruited by her, and recruited girls by SGs that was recruited by her before. You know what I mean? The mega brazillian explosion you see here, is because of her. When I came, in 2014, we're not so many, and see now how many we are now. This is a huge and beautiful thing. Thanks, @jacqueline <3
At the middle of 2016, I became SG and the day is so fresh in my mind. It was a sunday, I spend the day crying in bed with personal bad stuff going on, and then the girls was sending me messages, cause I was turned pink with other brazillian girls in the same day. Was almost 10, or more, something that. Then my sunday was full of crying: but from happiness, after the notice.
At the end of 2016 and beginning og 2017, I was thinking about shoot one set or two for SuicideGirls, as a photographer. But I was really a impostor of myself, and sabotage any idea thinking I wasn't good enough and my job would be a joke, things like that. So, the time was passing, and I didn't gave me a chance. I didn't risk.
At the end of 2017, I was invited by @julha to go to her place, she was doing a shootday there, nothing for SG, just autoral and social media content. Already had some photographers in there but I decided to pick my camera and risk to shoot some girls, including Julha, cause was just casional pictures, nothing so formal. So I didn't sabotage myself this time and I'm pretty sure this day and this moment is crucial for everything i allow myself to do after that. @julha is a huge part of it, we became friends instantly and then sisters from heart. She's the person who most believed in me. When nobody believed, she believed. And her aries spirit infected me in an amazing way that I started to risk more. @Julha, I will always love you. Thank you for everything <3
At the beginning of 2018, I was continue shooting babes and learning about photography in a deeply way and increasing what I already knew about edition. And then, the unexpected happened: @thaecos was about to go to São Paulo to shoot with @kalincamaki and asked me if I could go the location to shoot a set of her, too. FOR SG. I freaked out. Was a good feeling, of couse, cause she was believing in me, and liking my casional photos. But I was so nervous. And afraid. Afraid of deliver a bad job. Afraid to disappoint her, the members, I don't know. I was anxious, nervous and afraid. But I said yes and have a month to prepare my phsycologic to this day LOL
The day came and was amazing met @thaecos, and re-see @kalincamaki who already have shot me before. Kalinca saw that I was nervous, and helped me a lot with some guide. I appreciate so much what she did, besides I already see her work as a kind of inspiration. She's fantastic! After this day, I shot some other sets for SG, but have time to the set appear on Member Review. When the set of @thaecos (who was a hopeful) came to Member Review, a lot of people loved. I felt amazing reading the comments about the photography, and this gave me more confidence to continue. After a month, this set I shoot of @thaecos, was selected as Set Of The Day. She finally became SG and my first set ever as photographer was SOTD. The feeling was amazing. I felt seen. I felt my work seen. I also remember this day as if it were today. I was in a friend's place, playing videogame, then the notification pops up my cellphone. I threw the control away and held my cellphone and became static. Few seconds later i started screamming. My friend thought that I was insane, but minutes later she understand what happened and congratulate me. LOL
After that I never stopped. Just worked a little less this year, because of our pandemic situation. In this hole time, I felt more happy doing what I do. The girls' feedback saying that my work improved their self-esteem, of couse is the best part of everything.
I will always be glad to everyone who I met in this journey. And be glad to SuicideGirls to introduce me to some people who became part of my life.
@babu, you're my pisces sis. I wanted to hug you and protect you in the moment when we know each other better, our story of life. I admire you a lot and love you so much. You shine and I want to be by your side always, supporting you and celebrating all your achievements. You deserve the world baby <3
@thay, you're amazing. Our story with photography saving our lives, giving us a purpose, helping us phsycologically, is so similar. I identify with you in so many things. I love your company and love the friendship we're creating <3 Can't wait for all the adventures we'll have with @babu in our photography travels <3
@dangerlips, how i wish i could live with you everyday, or every week. You MAKE MY STOMACH HURT from laughing so much, holy shit. Please stay in my life forever. This is an order. LOL love you <3
@serenna, our friendship was growing since 2015. How much things we passed and are passing in our lifes since them. You always be the "part of me who gone right" in life LOL i love you, love how we share tastes in common, i love see the strong woman you are becoming day by day, year by year. You're a scorpio warrior, you know that right? Thank you for stayed by me side in the most depressing moment I had. I wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for that. You're a goddess and we should marry. Just saying LOL <3
There's so many people to mention here, but this blog would be kilometric. I realized now how much I've written so far and apparently I won't be able to finish lol.
All this journey was beautiful and teached me to trust myself more and introduce amazing people into my life.
The step now is save money to improve my equipment, cause i'm getting blood out of a stone with this. I want so much bring a better content for you!
If you could help, here is the sets I made as photographer, liking and commenting them is a truly help <3
https://www.suicidegirls.com/girls/pisces/photography/
Became a staff photographer here is like the golden pot in the rainbow's end. Was amazing share this moment, this feeling and this goal with @thimeow and @dareal. These babies are hardworkers, so talented and I'm proud of them!
One more time, thank you all for that!
@rambo @missy @sean <3
