pirra

this is the deal, the only reason, that i am going to keep trying, living, pushing up against this life that seems so ready to eat me alive:
i am going to portland, yes portland, by myself
with no one
i will reseach a place to get my tatoo that i want so badly
if, i stress if
i get my head and life and body under control
two years ago, i used to run three miles a day
my muscle is turning to fat
ick.
i want to feel my muscles move in my legs when i walk again
i want those fucking endorphins
i want to be organized, if only on the inside.
i want to look in the mirror and think i'm hot instead of just cute
as you can see, i want alot of things
but it feels good to want to strive for something again
life is subjective in the sense
i have to believe i can make this happen

the problem with any of this working out is that sometimes i think i crave touch more than life itself, but right now all i need i some fucking self-containment