Hmmmmm... Goals, thoughts, randomness.
Back in Colorado and off the ice for the summer! Yay!!! So the question is, Now what?
Things to do (Goals):
1. Get a life!
I'm bored, idle, not feeling completely satisfied with my life at the moment. It needs some depth, some feeling, some reality, something, something new, something distracting, something different, something exciting, need something to learn, to play with, to perfect, to experiment with. I've lost my easy, happy go lucky smile and carefree attitude and I don't like that, I don't like the way I am at the moment, I'm lost and am not sure how to go about finding myself.
2. Get rid of the Jeep.
Biggest mistake, no, STOOPIDEST decision I've ever made. I knew full and well I was going to get screwed on that deal but didn't realize quite how bad an ass-fucking I was in for. Definitely no lube and there were a few spikes on the strap on as well. Ever seen the movie seven? Enough said. In actuality, it's not a bad vehicle at all, it's actually a pretty decent machine and it doesn't have any problems. I'm just mad at myself, severely disappointed and astounded in the apathy, ignorance, can't think of the word, but not helping someone who is trying to help you, of a friend. The jeep is just not my style, not me, and not something I (personally) would ever buy or own, yet I did (kinda) and do. Grrrrrr.
3. Get a new motorcycle.
Not an absolute necessity but very high on the list. I really wish I knew someone with an R-6 or could get to ride one. I would like to see how one rides but am apprehensive that it won't be enough bike and won't have enough power but I also think it could be okay. I almost bought an R-1 today, the bike I really want, but I am not quite organized enough and not sure about the money situation until I resolve the issue with the Jeep. I am also hesitant to get the R-1 cause it's a whole lot of bike and knowing me and the way I ride, I could get into some really good trouble on an R-1. Lots of trouble. I've got a bike now and I love it, it's an awesome bike and lots of fun and I hang with or pass all the super-sport bikes down the canyons and twisty roads but on the straights and up hill they accelerate away like someone pressed the fast forward button. Here I am down shifting 2-3 gears, maxing the 14k rpm redline each time to keep them in sight and all they did was twist their throttle about way. Frustrating!!!
4. Get a job.
Hmmm. Might need to do this depending on what happens with the previous two goals. Question is, what to do? Need a decent job that only lasts for about 6 months. Anyone have any ideas? Cool ones?
5. Get a creative hobby or outlet.
This goes along with the first thing. I am a very imaginative person but haven't developed an output for that creativity. I need to find some way to express it. I've kept it dormant and suppressed for so long that it's starting to fade. I need to find an outlet, let it breathe, develop it. I just have no idea where to start or how to go about doing that.
6. Quit being so skeptical and argumentative/opinionated.
I have found myself arguing with friends over nothing and just being very skeptical and doubtful and just assuming that they are wrong because I don't agree with them. I realize it and it makes me even more annoyed so I keep arguing. I never used to be that bad though I have always been a bit of a skeptic when it comes to other peoples opinions. Once again, it ties in to the first goal.
7. Figure out what to do with T.
Let T pull me under for the sake of personal conviction, sense of honor/duty, pride, personal integrity or go against the grain of my existence and cut the rope to survive. Here in lies the solution to the first goal. What to do?
8. Make some new friends.
Variety is the spice of life and friends are always a great thing. Might help with a few of the other goals as well. Expanding a bit, I would like to become better friends with people. I just feel, distant, lately. I have a few really good friends, close friends, ones I know I will always be friends with, ones I can count on no matter what, ones I would do anything for. I have a few good friends, ones I used to be much closer with but have grown apart from due to stupid, petty shit on both sides, not helped by my skepticism and argumentation. I have some good friends, ones that I would really enjoy being closer with but am not able to or can't seem to do what I need to. I think the problem is mine. I have never been much of a talker, I'm the strong, silent type, and have never been good at expressing myself through speech. I'm the kind, thoughtful, very attentive, quiet guy mostly alone in the crowd. I have the hardest time coming up with small talk and chatting people up. I also have a hard time phrasing a conversation to clearly get my thoughts across. I either can't say it correctly or I am too ambiguous and people infer a different point or I say it how I am thinking it but my explanation is not at all what I mean because I don't know how to express the whole thought. Kinda like a dictionary, you have the word then all the definitions and when I have the thought in my head, I see all the different uses and meanings but I can only manage to say the first one. I need to find Conversation for Dummies!
9. Get rid of old shit and clean out the basement.
I suffer from TMS. Too Much Shit. I've got way too much crap, stuff I don't use, ever, but that someday I might. It kinda runs in the family. My crap happens to be stored in the corner of my parents basement. To get to the corner my stuff is in, you walk through a narrow walkway that is lined with boxes, empty and full, turn the corner into another room where there's old toys from 30 years ago piled up on one side and empty, some old some new, suitcases, duffels, backpacks, and luggage in a pile on the other, this room is also piled high with boxes, books, miscellaneous garbage with a walkway through the middle which is blocked halfway down by a mattress and box spring set which I have to tilt from leaning against my pile of crap in the corner to the other pile of crap on the other side. The whole basement is like that. It's ridiculous. But I am finally home for more than a month and I can get rid off all the junk! Yay! Going to be a major project though and I have to at least go through my stuff.
and the marathon entry comes to an end...
Back in Colorado and off the ice for the summer! Yay!!! So the question is, Now what?
Things to do (Goals):
1. Get a life!
I'm bored, idle, not feeling completely satisfied with my life at the moment. It needs some depth, some feeling, some reality, something, something new, something distracting, something different, something exciting, need something to learn, to play with, to perfect, to experiment with. I've lost my easy, happy go lucky smile and carefree attitude and I don't like that, I don't like the way I am at the moment, I'm lost and am not sure how to go about finding myself.
2. Get rid of the Jeep.
Biggest mistake, no, STOOPIDEST decision I've ever made. I knew full and well I was going to get screwed on that deal but didn't realize quite how bad an ass-fucking I was in for. Definitely no lube and there were a few spikes on the strap on as well. Ever seen the movie seven? Enough said. In actuality, it's not a bad vehicle at all, it's actually a pretty decent machine and it doesn't have any problems. I'm just mad at myself, severely disappointed and astounded in the apathy, ignorance, can't think of the word, but not helping someone who is trying to help you, of a friend. The jeep is just not my style, not me, and not something I (personally) would ever buy or own, yet I did (kinda) and do. Grrrrrr.
3. Get a new motorcycle.
Not an absolute necessity but very high on the list. I really wish I knew someone with an R-6 or could get to ride one. I would like to see how one rides but am apprehensive that it won't be enough bike and won't have enough power but I also think it could be okay. I almost bought an R-1 today, the bike I really want, but I am not quite organized enough and not sure about the money situation until I resolve the issue with the Jeep. I am also hesitant to get the R-1 cause it's a whole lot of bike and knowing me and the way I ride, I could get into some really good trouble on an R-1. Lots of trouble. I've got a bike now and I love it, it's an awesome bike and lots of fun and I hang with or pass all the super-sport bikes down the canyons and twisty roads but on the straights and up hill they accelerate away like someone pressed the fast forward button. Here I am down shifting 2-3 gears, maxing the 14k rpm redline each time to keep them in sight and all they did was twist their throttle about way. Frustrating!!!
4. Get a job.
Hmmm. Might need to do this depending on what happens with the previous two goals. Question is, what to do? Need a decent job that only lasts for about 6 months. Anyone have any ideas? Cool ones?
5. Get a creative hobby or outlet.
This goes along with the first thing. I am a very imaginative person but haven't developed an output for that creativity. I need to find some way to express it. I've kept it dormant and suppressed for so long that it's starting to fade. I need to find an outlet, let it breathe, develop it. I just have no idea where to start or how to go about doing that.
6. Quit being so skeptical and argumentative/opinionated.
I have found myself arguing with friends over nothing and just being very skeptical and doubtful and just assuming that they are wrong because I don't agree with them. I realize it and it makes me even more annoyed so I keep arguing. I never used to be that bad though I have always been a bit of a skeptic when it comes to other peoples opinions. Once again, it ties in to the first goal.
7. Figure out what to do with T.
Let T pull me under for the sake of personal conviction, sense of honor/duty, pride, personal integrity or go against the grain of my existence and cut the rope to survive. Here in lies the solution to the first goal. What to do?
8. Make some new friends.
Variety is the spice of life and friends are always a great thing. Might help with a few of the other goals as well. Expanding a bit, I would like to become better friends with people. I just feel, distant, lately. I have a few really good friends, close friends, ones I know I will always be friends with, ones I can count on no matter what, ones I would do anything for. I have a few good friends, ones I used to be much closer with but have grown apart from due to stupid, petty shit on both sides, not helped by my skepticism and argumentation. I have some good friends, ones that I would really enjoy being closer with but am not able to or can't seem to do what I need to. I think the problem is mine. I have never been much of a talker, I'm the strong, silent type, and have never been good at expressing myself through speech. I'm the kind, thoughtful, very attentive, quiet guy mostly alone in the crowd. I have the hardest time coming up with small talk and chatting people up. I also have a hard time phrasing a conversation to clearly get my thoughts across. I either can't say it correctly or I am too ambiguous and people infer a different point or I say it how I am thinking it but my explanation is not at all what I mean because I don't know how to express the whole thought. Kinda like a dictionary, you have the word then all the definitions and when I have the thought in my head, I see all the different uses and meanings but I can only manage to say the first one. I need to find Conversation for Dummies!
9. Get rid of old shit and clean out the basement.
I suffer from TMS. Too Much Shit. I've got way too much crap, stuff I don't use, ever, but that someday I might. It kinda runs in the family. My crap happens to be stored in the corner of my parents basement. To get to the corner my stuff is in, you walk through a narrow walkway that is lined with boxes, empty and full, turn the corner into another room where there's old toys from 30 years ago piled up on one side and empty, some old some new, suitcases, duffels, backpacks, and luggage in a pile on the other, this room is also piled high with boxes, books, miscellaneous garbage with a walkway through the middle which is blocked halfway down by a mattress and box spring set which I have to tilt from leaning against my pile of crap in the corner to the other pile of crap on the other side. The whole basement is like that. It's ridiculous. But I am finally home for more than a month and I can get rid off all the junk! Yay! Going to be a major project though and I have to at least go through my stuff.
and the marathon entry comes to an end...
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~cheers
Cherry xoxox