Heroin withdrawl. If it is anything like this, which Ray Charles said heroin withdrawl was easier than nicotine... the hell has just begun. Shit, if heroin is easier to kick than this, I might as well go try some. Gnarly internal conflict. None of my emotions are real, I feel like dying 1000 times and being buried in a lost tomb with all of my treasures. I just dont care. Ok had to get that out. Whoo, Im not joking, this must be the worst. I went 5 days without a smoke, and then I did the little indie film which was a vintage film noir so the role called for smoking and I did it, but my quitting was in an infant stage and I am in an unholy nightmare right now.
If it weren't for this infantile totalitarian control I would certainly go to a bar dressed all weird and get in fight. Of course, you get arrested and go jail nowadays for that kind of fun. Writing doesnt help, however, reading does so Im off to do that! Just breathe man, no need to gnarl out on a random idiot.
Thank goodness for meditation, the anger I am experiencing would surely have driven me to attack a random dude that pissed me off. Also if you're anger driven there is no joy in the fight, which once again keeps me rational. "A good fight is like a play, but played seriously."
Chaos, fall apart, fall together, the pattern leaves more or less, and trust is a formless and chaotic idea. I am running low on it these days. I used to have faith in people, I was never blind, and only hurt by a few. Now that I have had a long time of silence, I feel like I gave so much and received so little in return. I want more than ever. Yet with one peaceful meditation my want is whisked away, soon I'll never know who I was, only that I am.
If it weren't for this infantile totalitarian control I would certainly go to a bar dressed all weird and get in fight. Of course, you get arrested and go jail nowadays for that kind of fun. Writing doesnt help, however, reading does so Im off to do that! Just breathe man, no need to gnarl out on a random idiot.
Thank goodness for meditation, the anger I am experiencing would surely have driven me to attack a random dude that pissed me off. Also if you're anger driven there is no joy in the fight, which once again keeps me rational. "A good fight is like a play, but played seriously."
Chaos, fall apart, fall together, the pattern leaves more or less, and trust is a formless and chaotic idea. I am running low on it these days. I used to have faith in people, I was never blind, and only hurt by a few. Now that I have had a long time of silence, I feel like I gave so much and received so little in return. I want more than ever. Yet with one peaceful meditation my want is whisked away, soon I'll never know who I was, only that I am.
kay:
